The girl in black starring, laughing. I woke up. “Just a dream, (sigh).” It was midnight I found myself in a pitch black space no light just black.

“Hello?” I said trying to hide the quiver in my voice. I saw a light not a clear yellow but a red, dark red, almost the color of blood. A door appeared out of the blue, the crimson red turned into bright red, I turned the knob slowly not thinking at all what was waiting for me on the other side. I opened the door ‘Nothing’ for so I thought. It was dark but I could see a little girl in the corner, crying, huddled in a ball. She looked up at me in the eyes. Her eyes were a clear white, her tears were made made of blood.

I tried to speak but nothing would come out. The little girl stood up. She smiled at me. I reached for the knob behind me. It was gone. The lights turned on. She was gone. I heard a creek. Someone hit me on the head. I heard a female voice. She said good night.

I woke up, I felt a sharp pain against my hands and body. Blood everywhere. I was tied up with barbed wire. Laughter. I heard a girl laugh, she appeared from the dark shadows. It was the same girl from my dream but she was wearing white, she had long black hair. But she was different in someway from her. She was getting closer and closer. I closed my eyes so I wouldn’t see the torture she was gonna put me through.


Last thing I saw before I opened my eyes to see if I was dead yet. I was in an empty space but she was still there. She was covered in blood. She smiled at me. I couldn’t say anything.

“Hmm, bye.” She was gone. Black lights. Pitch black was all I could see. I smelled blood. Blood? Must be the same blood that was pierced through my vanes and on the floor. Drop after drop after drop. I realized I was never gonna get out of here.

He was there, a boy a few feet away. He was in chains. He didn’t move, his chest didn’t rise to  breathe. I thought he was dead bit then he tilted his head just enough to look straight at me. He was bleeding like he had been tortured from head to toe. He grumbled in pain. I slowly approached him. He screamed. The lights turned on, now I could see him clearly. His clothes were torn. Darkness surrounded us. I turned around. When I looked back his chains were gone, he had more blood then before. A shadow appeared behind him. It smiled at is. He kept his head low. I screamed. The boy was I’m front of me and behind me. I felt pressure on my chest as if something was taking my breath away.

  • Hi_there


  • Rose Morrison

    You know it’s not going to be good when the 5th word is a mistake. Very poor spelling and grammar make this piece a difficult read. A good premise, but not coming across to the reader well. Also, plotline is shaky, e.g.) one moment the narrator is tied up, next moment he goes over to look at the boy, what happened in between to free him? With an edit and expansion, this could be much better. Keep writing.

  • Sara Kilany

    Awful spelling, very confusing too!
    He said he turned the lights on then said ‘darkness surrounded us’.
    Maybe edit the spelling and fill out the confusing parts.
    I like the way it was written but needs some work ✌

  • Ren

    Lol the typos were cringy and it was a bit difficult to comprehend at the end but all in all it was pretty good. Now if I could just have nightmares about it…

  • Stephanie Reynolds

    I agree with Rose, Sara, and Ren. It could’ve been a really interesting story, but it just ended up confusing. It was extremely choppy and jumped from one thing to the next without any explanation or reason. Definitely keep writing though, it’s clear you have a great imagination and that’s the most important part.

  • Adrienne Black

    That was just confusing..