I’ve never been a fan of mimes. I always thought that adults that put on gray colored make-up was weird, not counting the fact that they are always silent. Every time I passed one I got this strange sense of danger, like the feeling you get the first time you fly on a plane.

It wasn’t until a few days ago that I learned why I got that sense of danger. I live in the area of Sacramento, California. I don’t know if its custom to this state or area, but it has happened multiple times to me.

Let’s get on with the story, shall we. So I was going for my midnight stroll until I turned a corner and ran directly into a mime. Minding my manners, I asked him how he was doing.

Surprisingly he responded. His voice was low and raspy. “Oh I’m just looking for lunch.”

I told him it was midnight not midday. He just smiled and asked me if I could give him a ride to the diner he had in mind.

I, being the nice guy I was raised to be, gave the mime a lift. This is when things got bad. He led me out to the middle of nowhere. When the lights of the city were far behind us, he said something. I don’t remember what exactly but it was something along the lines of my politeness getting me killed.

Hearing him speak, I naturally looked up from the road. What I saw was terrifying. The mime had pale skin, it wasn’t make-up. His bloodshot eyes looked into my soul, making me almost give up there and then. He had a toothy grin, each tooth as sharp as a knife. As I looked up, he lunged at me. Out of fear I swerved the car to the right. As a result the car went tumbling. This gave me time to think of the guns I had in my trunk.

When the car stopped rolling, the mime was in the back seat moaning from pain. I took the chance to unbuckle my seatbelt (the only reason I survived that night) and go to the trunk. I pulled out my revolver. I aimed for the gas tank of my car.

I heard a blood curdling scream as I watched my car blow up, mime and all. I grinned at my brilliance.

After that, about five similar occurrences have happened. It was the second that I found that the only weakness they have is fire. If you live in California, be warned that the mimes might be coming for you. The only weakness they have is fire. If I were you I would just leave the state, maybe even the country.


You have been warned.

  • Simon

    Now, this might seem like a crappy “Woo, mimes are weird and spooky and also secretly monsters!” story, but if you think about it, if you imagine for a moment that the real bad guy is the protagonist, who carries guns in his car and is ready to blow up people who are different than him and/or from who he feels even slightly threatened by, this becomes a metaphor about for the current political climate in the USA.

    • Daniel Di Benedetto

      Dude, what? If I lived in a town with bloodthirsty mimes that can only be atrophied by fire, I would probably arm myself too. Anyway, carrying guns in your car doesn’t make you a bad guy; it makes you practical. And I wouldn’t define the mime as simply “different than him…” I don’t think the issue with the entity with chalk-white skin, bloodshot eyes and sharp teeth was that it was different than him… On another note, I don’t think he was “slightly threatened” by him either. Most humans would be a little more than “slightly threatened” at this point, even if the killer mime creature hadn’t uttered a death threat in response to his kindness. Of all the things having nothing to do with politics that I’ve seen warped into an opinionated, unnecessary political statement, this is probably the worst and most awkward example.

      • Simon

        …that was a joke, you know. Not the best joke, admittedly, but certainly nothing to write a whole paragraph complaining about.
        Also, carrying multiple guns in your car seems more paranoid than practical to me, but whatever. I guess that’s too opinionated and political to bring up.

  • Lilly_drago

    I liked the story, I can understand mimes being creepy, but the fact he made it so they were sorta something else made it interesting, for guns in the car I mean ya never know when something will. Happen

  • Sarita Tinsley King

    If this had a little more back story and depth to it it’d be an amazing read!