You Wanna Get Home? Part 1

I didn’t learn anything from this. I just couldn’t stop it, I have to go back.

I have been in this hospital for almost 2 years.. or have I just lost the track? I don’t know, but I have to go back there.. I guess you’re wondering that what am I talking about.. Well let me tell you what happened.

Back in the days when I was younger, I guess I was 15 or 16. My friends had a birthday party at her house, so of course I went there. It was almost midnight, because the party was really late, haha.. I was a little bit afraid, because she said that we are going in to the haunted house nearby. My friend saw me walking slowly, so she yelled at me to come quickly so we can pack our stuff and go to the house. I didn’t show that I was afraid, because they kinda trusted me to be brave, so of course I had to act

-Shelby, are you coming or not? Why do you have to be so damn slow? My friend Jessica yelled at me.

-Well I’m sorry, if I can’t be faster than this. I was so pissed at me.. I have never ever been such a p*ssy.

Jessica just laughed and said sorry. We were still upstairs packing our stuff, but I heard something knocking on the window. It was too weird, because there was no trees even close. I tried to forget about it, but I couldn’t. I’m too interested about everything and I guess that’s pretty bad.. We left with our three other friends, Maddie, Thomas and Kevin. I have a big crush on Thomas, but so does Maddie.. I didn’t ever wanna tell her that.

We were walking in to the woods, it was so cold and windy. I didn’t take my jacket with me, so I was ice cold. Thomas saw me and asked if I needed a warm hug. I actually started blushing..

-Oh, hehe.. sure. I said and I was kinda embarrased, because I was blushing so hard.

-Wow, you look cute even in the dark. Thomas told me

I was so hyped about this, he has never said anything that sweet to me. I’m glad Maddie was all about Kevin all the sudden.. I still felt kinda sad, because Jessica’s boyfriend Mark died last year of a heart condition.  It has been hard, but she is trying to move on and I know she can’t do it yet. Thomas put his hand around me and we walked together. We are at the house now and everybody’s faces was almost dropping, it was so scary looking and it gave the creeps.

-Hey, Jessica are you sure about this now? Maddie asked

-Uhhmm, I guess I am.. Hey guys, I know it looks scary and creepy but I wanna do this. I wanna see what’s it like from the inside and see why people never feel normal after they have visited the house. Jessica was madly saying

Okay, but the last part didn’t really help any of us. I told her

-Lol, chillax Shelby, don’t be scared now haha! It’s gonna be okay. If something happens I promise you guys, we will leave right away.

Jessica was kinda being mean to us for being scared. The guys were talking to each other and I was looking at Thomas.. every time he noticed, he gave me a really cute and warming smile. I never wanna forget it.

-Okay p*ssies, let’s go inside. I found a way in. Jessica told us

We went back to the house and started crawling inside, because it was such a small hole in the wall. When we got in, it was so smelly and old looking, stuff was broken and there was really creepy paintings. This one and only painting gave me chills, there was a black cat with yellow eyes. I felt like i’ve seen it somewhere before.. it was too familiar.

-Hey Maddie, do you see that painting over there? The one with the cat. I whsipered

-Yes, I do.. Wow, it gives the chills. It’s that creepy. But why are you asking? Maddie whispered to me

-Doesn’t it look a little bit familiar to you? I asked her

-Holy f*cking sh*t, it does! Maddie yelled

-Omg, Maddie be quiet! Jessica raised her voice a bit.

Maddie was looking at her like she wanted to murder her. – Aren’t you a bit bossy today, Jess? Maddie asked with this annoying voice.

Excuse me? It’s my damn birthday and I am the f*ucking boss here. Jessica said

We all were looking at her and didn’t say anything. Then Kevin finally asked, – Hey guys, should we keep moving or are we gonna just stand here and wonder the life?

We started walking in to the dining room. Everything was so dusty and creepy looking, I wasn’t so scared anymore to be honest. I felt safe around Thomas.

-What in the hell is that? Thomas asked and pointed in to this really demonic looking painting.

-It looks like a demon with yellow eyes.. Can we keep going? Maddie said with scared voice

Jessica just stayed there, not saying anything. She was all quiet, but all the sudden this really demonic and deep voice came from her.

Aren’t you guys scared? I’m counting to one hundred and you will hide. Haha, if I find you, I kill you! 

We actually started running away from her, because we were too scared. I ran with Maddie.. Boys went to the other direction.

Maddie started crying and she couldn’t almost breathe at all. I helped her and told her to calm down. She was holding my hand really tight. I told her to keep holding my hand, but everything went black in my head.. I felt pain and I didn’t see anything. And all I heard was Maddie screaming for her life. I couldn’t move, but I felt tears coming from my eyes…..

Okay okay, you have told enough now. You can tell more tomorrow, now I need you to rest. I’ll see you tomorrow then. My visitor said.


Hey you all who are reading! This was my first creepypasta ever.. Okay, I know i’t not creepy/scary at all, but just wait for the next part! This is only the beginning. I’ll write more as soon as possible.

  • ShYgUy

    I enjoyed it. Haunted houses are a classic. Spirits, demonic possession, and ghosts are very creepy. There is so much you can do, and many directions you can take with these stories.

    A lot of haunted stories like this have some sort of terrible background associated with it. Perhaps an unjust murder, and the ghost forever roams the halls. Etc.. Etc…

    Good idea. Fun read. Thanks for sharing. Keep writing 🙂

  • Song Mix

    This is amazing!Its really good,and I like that you used name Kevin(its name of my boyfriend xD).Keep writing!

  • Fiver

    For a first story the quality is high but if this becomes a consistent style then it is closer to average (for this community). Try to proofread more and pick a tense to stay in. Sometimes you swap between past and present tense several times in a single sentence. While there should be this swap in defined moments (entering/exiting flashbacks) it should not occur through out the flashback. Try reading allowed or getting someone close to proofread for you. You may also want to proofread as you go to establish a better flow and skim at the end to catch any remaining mistakes (it isn’t the best method but it does make proofreading easier). Also don’t always trust the suggestion of the site before submitting for review as more often than not the suggestions are wrong (just remember you are smarter than a computer).
    The next concern is details. This is told in first person so I get adding personal thoughts it, but be careful to make sure they don’t disrupt the flow. Add her thoughts when they fit. This is also her reflection on the past which makes the interjection of present thoughts fine as well. The amount of detail is lacking though. She is looking back on a horrifying experience, certain seemingly pointless details should be vivid in her memory while other sections may be brushed over completely. Don’t be afraid to add some more vivid details in some places. Be more specific about the weather, focus in more on Thomas, how it felt to hug him, what he smelled like. These are connected to the situation, essentially the calm before the storm, so much that they should be equally vivid. Have a few more vivid moments in the house as well. Here the amount of imagery should actually rise and fall as if you were writing a nonfiction piece about your past; you can’t remember everything but some things are so vivid they hurt. The additional detail may assist in creating a better, tension building pacing as well.
    I think the idea is a common one but you are adding your own personal twist which is nice. You also have a hidden talent for story telling in this fashion as even with all the flaws it still wasn’t quite boring. Just keep practicing and try to edit more. Form a pile of half finished stories that worked as practice rather than to show off (I call my pile a Shane pile because they would have been terrible stories). Good luck with your future works.


    It may not be scary but it has an interesting plot, yea some points were confusing but I’m not one to judge