A little boy is in his new house with his mom, while his dad is at work. The house is rickety and quite the enigma. He calls out, “mum?” whilst trying to find his mother.

His mother says, “Yessss?” from upstairs. He calls out again, and gets the same reply, finding that his mother must be in the room at the end of the hall, decorating her new bedroom. He is about to turn the doorknob when he hears the door downstairs open, and hears his mother say, “Is anyone home?” and he is about to rush to his mother and tell her when the door opens and yanks him in.

It is a tall creature, jet black, shiny like oil, large, cringe-worthy teeth, enough to make you go mad. It lifts the child up and is about to swallow him whole when he lets out a small squeal, and his mother comes running. She makes it into the room, “Honey? Are you in here? I thought I heard-” but she is cut off by the sight. She falls to the ground, seeing that there is nobody in the room, except her sons shoes, and his favorite toy, Binky, of which he named his stuffed bunny.

With tears in her eyes, begins to get up, but is also grabbed from behind, and the creature opens its gaping jaws, revealing a shred of the child’s shirt. Alas, the father comes home from work, only to find the same thing, and to serve the same fate.

There were neighbors for this family, but it wasn’t a basic, suburban house-beside-house-beside-house type thing. It was still pretty spacious. Neighbors did hear a cry of the father though, and they came over the same way the mother did. A rush. They saw the empty house, but it was trashed. As if the monster wanted to find something in the home.

“Hello?” said the neighbor with a quivering, shrill voice. “Is anybody here?”

The neighbor was so frightened by all of this that she called the police to help search. They found nothing, and they asked the neighbor if she was sure she even had neighbors living there, because the house looked like it had been abandoned for years.

“Yes. Positive. I… I know they were here! They came over and they greeted me when they moved in!” She said, stuttering. The police searched once more, only to find the same thing the father had found. Son and mother’s shoes, the son’s toy, Binky. They picked these things up and asked if she recognized them, and she did. All of them.

She sobbed, and quivered. She didn’t know what was going on. They were about to walk out of the building when they heard the shrill eeeeek sound of the door opening a crack. She turned around and saw a deep black figure lurking behind the door. Petrified, she slowly turned to the officers and said, “Turn…Around.”

They did, but they saw nothing.

“It was behind the door! You have to see it! It was tall, dark, mysterious”

They walked up the stairs and into the room at the end of the hall. “Are you sure there was something here, or was it just paranoia?” Said they, as they turned out the door. They touched the doorknob, ready to walk out when they each were grabbed by the collar and yanked back in. The lights were off, and then on again. One of the police officers was missing, and it was just the neighbor and one officer.

“We have to get out of here!” said she, and she was so afraid she was willing to jump out the window! She jumped, and again, was pulled back, and the lights flicked one more time… and she was all alone. She ran for the doorway and this time, she actually made it out, she got lucky, as assumed. Maybe this creature just missed her this time.

She ran home as fast as she possibly could. She had really dug herself in deep this time. That night, while she was in bed, she thought she heard footsteps. She knew it was not her husband, for he was in bed with her. Her children never get up in the middle of the night, but from paranoia from earlier that day, she dare not speak. She watched as an oily black shadow crept into the room, and carved something in her wall, and then hid underneath her bed. She could not see what it was because it was dark, but after a while her eyes were adjusted to the darkness.

“I know you are awake.” That is what the wall said. She was about to quietly sneak away from the room when she heard a snap, and it was over. The creature had won, and never was to be seen again by anyone.

  • Ian Cronus Marshall

    Make more

    • Lauren Thomas

      I am glad you liked it!! I really am 😀 Also, I am CreepyPastaLover666 I am just posting from Disqus xD

      • Mr. Dread

        Yeah it was great good job! ☺

  • Eveline Greene

    This was ok. Could definitely be better. I think you omitted a few necessary details in favor of unnecessary ones (such as the name of the child’s toy; the toy that’s not relevant is named but no one else in the story is). Plus it gives off the air that it’s trying too hard to be a scary movie instead of a scary story (the dialogues between the neighbor and the police). Overall, nice concept but could use a little tweaking in practice. Good work.

    • Lauren Thomas

      Whoops heheh This was the first story I have ever written. I would also say it is still pretty good because I am just a kid. Not even a teenager yet 🙂 Thanks for the tips though I will use them in the future for sure!!! I actually didn’t name them because I couldn’t find a suiting name for them, I just named Binky because it seemed fit for a child’s toy. When I was a little kid, I had a bunny named Biggy, so I actually just took that and I tweaked it a little bit.

      • Eveline Greene

        Ah don’t sell yourself short because of your age! It was a good attempt for a first try, definitely. Yeah the general rule of thumb is that you never give important details (indepth descriptions, names, etc) to characters that don’t have any special significance to it. Like because it had a name, I expected it to turn out to be the monster or something. lol Also there are name generators available online if you need them. I use them occasionally when I get stumped on names. You could also keep everyone unnamed, too. Just a minor protip from another writer. 🙂

        • Lauren Thomas

          Thank you! I really appreciate the help! I will definitely use this in the future!! This is probably one of my better stories still, but I do agree with you 🙂

  • Simon

    Oh, so it’s just that one story. Except it keeps going on. And on. And on…

    • Lauren Thomas

      ? What do you mean? Please explain. ?

      • Simon

        The first part of the story where the kid calls out it’s mother and age supposedly answers him from upstairs, but then shows up from elsewhere is already its own separate creepypasta, albeit more vague and with the relations between the characters being different. This story here just feels like a needlesly long and extended version of that story, with the mystery being taken away and with all the characters getting introduced and dying on a whim.

        • Lauren Thomas

          Oh OK I understand. That was actually how I purposely wrote this story. I meant to do it like that. That’s literally all it is is the creepypasta you mentioned and lengthened. Thanks for pointing that out.