The Internal Struggle

Have you ever heard of sleep paralysis? If not sleep paralysis is a frightening form of paralysis that occurs when a person is suddenly unable to move from a few seconds to a number of minutes. Most people see horrifying figures, people, creatures, or even sounds. When I was 15 it began to happen to me. They were mild episodes, mostly a few seconds long. I’d be unable to breathe. Then when I was 16 I began seeing and hearing things. It wasn’t only at night anymore. I’d become dizzy and see things other people couldn’t.


September 19, 1999

Entry 1

Today I saw a man. Tall, skinny. He wore a tuxedo and had no face. He reached his hand out to me and I felt drawn. I reached out and felt his power. I was inches away until my father walked in and asked what I was doing.  I responded with “Nothing.” And proceeded to go to school.

I was in the locker room before 3rd period gym class. I was the only one there because I was early. I heard whispers “Raven, you are strong and powerful. Don’t let them push you around like a pawn in a  chess game.”

“Who are you?” I asked as the Jolene and her ‘girls’ walked in. ” There’s Raven Wilson, talking to nobody again. Maybe you should sign yourself into an insane asylum.” She said as everyone else laughed. “One day Jolene, one day you will be fat, lonely, and unloved. While you are eating your feelings away I will have a family and a well-paying job.”

“Oh Raven, don’t you understand? No one will ever be able to love you.”  I felt she was right so I walked away, ashamed.


September 21,1999

The man returned and said ” I can help you, just take my hand and all of your troubles will disappear.” I reached out again and touched him, just barely. The energy he gave off was so intense, all of my feelings washed away.


September 23, 1999.

Jolene is missing. She was at her house when her mom heard screaming and then silence.

There is a search party. I’m part of it. Although she was always a bully to me she doesn’t deserve this. I can’t help but feel this is all my fault. I will ask the man if I see him again.


September 30, 1999

He is standing in the corner smiling but he has no mouth I can just tell. He’s acting like a puppy who successfully fetched a stick. I’ve begged and demanded she was returned safely but he just stands there. No one else sees him. Maybe I’m simply mad. Have I descended to madness? I wonder what life is now. Who am I?

November 3, 1999

I’m scared. Another person went missing. Her name is Jessie Chris. She would follow Jolene around and bully me. This time she was in a public park and was playing hide and seek with her little sister. She hid behind a tree and screamed then like wind she was gone. I’ve began to get a grip on reality I feel that I should embrace the darkness but there is still a light in my heart. I am torn between either side. I can’t ask for advice, people would just call me mad.

January 4, 2000

In the past couple months I’ve been stuck in the middle of good and evil. More and more of my enemies disappeared until none were left. I was suspected but I’ve had an alibi for everyone. I suppose now I will wait out the next year I have and move far away. I graduate this year so I will look into my future career. Although it will be difficult I will strive through the struggles and emerge victorious.

June 9, 2000

I graduated today. I hae decided to get my degree in business and I’ve been looking into collages. I’ve had no problems recently and never see the man. I hope I never do again.

July 17, 2001

I’ve been accepted into The University of London. I said I was going to run fast and far from my problems. I’m leaving in a week so I can find a flat. I must say I am excited.

April 22, 2005

I got a call from home today. Jolene’s body was found under the floor boards in what was once her bedroom. They say she died of dehydration and the focus automatically turned to her parents.

April 30, 2005

They found Jessie Chris in the ground by the tree she disappeared under. Cause of death was asphyxiation from being buried alive.

May 15, 2005

Every other child had been found right under where the disappeared from. I am terrified. I’m almost done with college. This can’ ruin my life again.

May 23, 2005

He’s following me! He’s back to kill me next. I’ve been walking streets where there are lots of people. I’m going to the police and say someone’s following me.

July 17, 2002

I remember in my dream I was outside the police station and he was in front f me. He grabbed my shoulders and pushed down. With ease he pushed me into the earth. I fell through a black hole filled with red fire. Spirits of everyone the man killed were around me screaming “Why?!”

“You made a deal with the devil!”

“Evil!”

And installable screams. As I hit the ground covered in spikes I opened my eyes. I sat up. It was dark and I heard steady beeping. It was then I realized there was a huge tips down my throat. I began gagging as a nurse sales in and screamed for a doctor. Before I knew it the tube was out.

Gasping for air I asked why I was in the hospital. “You were in a car accident almost 4 years ago and you have been in a coma ever since.”

“And my parents?”

“They are fine and on their way. No casualties that night, well apart from you.”

I looked at her and say her name tag said Jolene. The doctor’s said Chris.

“I had a dream. You were there.”

“I came in every day and told you how I used to be bullied and other stories of my childhood.” I sat up and rubbed my head. “I can’ believe it was a dream. It was all so real.” My parents ran in and I barely recognised them. They changed a lot over 4 years. “Raven! ” my mom yelled with tears in her eyes. “We thought we would never see you awake again!” My sister walked in. She was older than me and had a baby. Only a few months old. “She’s called Raven Angela.” She said as she passed her to me. “I’m sorry,” I said as tears filled my eyes, “I didn’t know I was dreaming.” My family smiled and I was home.