The All Powerful Ghoul – Part 1

Author’s Note: this story may not be good at all because of it being my first official story and my grammar may be a bit off and it is inspired by the anime Tokyo Ghoul.

The city of London in the year 2029. Technology has advanced to extreme levels and it’s getting harder for us ghouls to eat. The British ghoul investigator services have made small devices that can track ghouls from twenty five feet away which wasn’t far hehe looks like they really want us gone for good.

“Hey Christian are you ready for this???” I said putting a mask on my face.

“Uuuhhhhh I don’t know if I can do this. I mean what if we get overrun by the B.G.I.S.?” Christian questioned in a worried tone also putting on a mask.

“God dammit we kill them if that happens! Anymore questions!” Christian struggled to speak knowing that I was pissed off.

“Look I’m sorry I snapped at you but this is important. We need those keys in order to get to America and join forces with a certain group there. So are you with me or not?” I stood up and outstretched an arm towards him.

“Hey if we’re lucky we could get something to eat as well,” Christian took my hand and I helped him to his feet and he said, “I’m with you. Now let’s get that boat!”

A little bit surprised by his response I replied with, “Good man. That’s what I want to hear.” Christian produced his kaguné and readied himself at the edge of the roof. I walked up next to him and zipped up my mouth piece. Then we jumped off of the roof and slowly headed towards the target yatch, killing one guard quietly after another. Suddenly there was a load explosion directly beside us.

“F**k it’s the ghoul mafia! (I’m sorry I couldn’t come up with a different name other than ghoul mafia lol) how the f*****g hell did they find us? Chris? Christian where are you? CHRIS!!” At this point there was more concern for christian than for the task at hand. I frantically looked around wishing that christian was alright but when I saw him he was literally all right. The ghoul mafia was chewing through the left side of his body. I couldn’t do anything. I was powerless against them. What the f**k even made me think I could steal a yatch and get to america alive! But then I remembered! My kaguné! I’ve never released it before in my life. So if there was a time for me to release it, it would be now.

I got out of hiding and let out a roar of extreme hatred. Cracking both my index and middle fingers I managed to produce the one thing I have never used in my entire life. My kaguné. Eleven sharp centipede like tentacles materialised from my lower back. I thought to myself, ‘awesome sauce,’ but then I realised s**t I need to deal with these punks.

“So seventeen on one huh?” I said meaning for it to be a rhetorical question.

“Heheheee indeed it is. This shall be fun,” answered a heavily built ghoul. Sheesh he must have been working out non stop.

“You weren’t supposed to answer that dumbass! Now come here and fight me!” I let out another roar of hatred before attacking the group of ghouls. I used my kaguné against them all the way through the fight slash at all of their arms, legs and torsos. Dismembering each and everyone of them before realising that they’re dead. I ran as quickly as possible to the building with all of the boat keys and took a particular set which belonged to the ghoul mafia. Then I ran to their yatch and fired up the engine and sailed for america just as more ghoul mafia thugs along with their leader showed up.

“I’ll get you for killing my men and stealing our yatch you little b*****d!” shouted the leader. In which I replied.

“I’ll come back and see what you can do soon but for the meantime I’d go back to hiding if I were you and be ready for my arrival you fat f**k.”

“Zero Hellsing you will be eaten alive you get back!”

  • Thats_some_crappy_pasta

    First, it was wayyyyyyyy to short l. I took me the same time to type this as to read it. Second, it sounded like a edgy kid that said f**k to much wrote it. To much f**ks 😶

  • Puddin Tane

    You’ve got ghouls fighting ghouls. I thought London was trying to get rid of the ghouls. So, are they hiring ghouls? What’s the back storey? You need to work on this to help it make sense. Also, watch your punctuation, it was getting a bit sloppy toward the middle(?) or end. Don’t remember which.

  • Daniel Di Benedetto

    Be careful with your narration. Putting parentheses in the middle of a sentence and inserting your own opinion is unprofessional. Other parts that were probably supposed to be intense seemed kind of silly due to the way it was written or the narrator’s edgy input. Just be careful with that; however, it was interesting.

  • Im Stingrayy

    Too little backstory otherwise pretty interesting

  • I don’t think it’s bad, I think it could use more texture and filling out, but I wouldn’t say it’s bad.
    What I will say, is I feel it was a little to heavily based on animation it felt like you were trying to describe a picture that wasn’t there.
    I have a feeling that you’re pretty smart and could be really creative if you sat down and wrote something that you put more effort into. I feel like this was something you did to take pressure off of yourself, it felt a little angsty, which there’s nothing wrong with that. I would just like to see what you could do if you sat down and really applied yourself.
    No one likes to write the dialog or the build up, but it makes your story better, and I feel that if this had more of a body you could make something really good.

  • Angel

    I agree with most of the comments currently, really interesting, needs more information, a little work and some tlc. Keep it up darlin’!!!

  • Isabelle

    OMG I Love It XD