Kentucky Fried Children

September 14, 1998

It was a day like any other. I was driving to work in my Ford Shelby, and that is when I got a call from the chief. Yeah, I’m a cop. No breakin’ laws on my turf. Anyway, I answered, and he was freakin’ out.

“H-hey,” he answered, soundin’ like he shat his pants.

“You listenin’ to 107.3?”

“Uh, no.” I replied.

“Well, put it on!”

So I did. I switched the tune to 107.3.

Breaking News! Jared Hays GONE MISSING after the child went to a restaurant in Brookfield with some of his friends.

AUDIO – Reporter: “Do you know where Jared last went?”

Rupert Murdoch: “Yeah, he went to the bathroom…”

Reporter: “Did he come out?”

Murdoch: “No, so I sent my friend Max to go check on him. That’s when he came back… without Jared.”

I turned the radio off and sped down to the restaurant down in Brookfield. Cops were already at the scene, questioning employees and the manager. I got out of my Shelby and entered. There was police tape around the door of the bathroom, and police tape around the counter. I stepped over the tape and talked to an officer who was looking around the bathroom.

“What do you think happened to Jared?” I asked the officer.

“Probably a kidnapping,” he replied. “After this I’ll go question the employees if someone went in after or before Jared.” I nodded and walked out of the bathroom.

I then heard clanging and banging coming from the kitchen. I got curious and jumped over the counter. I then saw a man in an apron cutting up something large on the stove. I then realized it was a body. I gasped and pulled out my pistol.

“Freeze!” I shouted. The man turned around and ran at me, taking the pistol out of my hand and whacking over the head with it. I then passed out.

I woke up tied to an old rocking chair. I looked around the dark room and saw the man. He was looking over some devices. There was a pistol, a jug of gasoline, pliers, and a saw. He then picked up the saw and walked over to a counter. He then dumped the body I saw earlier in some kind of large fryer. He then looked at me.

“I hope you like fried food…” he said, chuckling. I then heard a timer ring, and he took the body out of the fryer.

He then cut up the body and put the person’s hand on a plate. I then realized that the hand belonged to Jared Hays! He then grabbed a fork and started to FEED me the hand. I struggled, and the hand tasted disgusting. Then, when he fed me the entire hand, he grabbed the wrench and whacked my head again, knocking me out.

I woke up in a dumpster outside the restaurant. My head was bleeding, and I felt stiff. I climbed out the dumpster and walked to the nearest police station and reported the man. 30 minutes later, the man was under arrest for murder. I then was drove to the hospital. The doctors treated my wounds. I didn’t know what day it was. I was then drove home. I spent the day in bed, looking scarred.

I then fell asleep. 2 weeks later I went to Jared’s funeral because my wife was friends with Jared’s mother.

I told no one about my kidnapping except for the chief. And I never went to that restaurant again.

  • Eva

    I’ve never seen the word “then” used as many times to describe a story/situation, as many times as you did. Other than that, it was a good attempt at writing. Maybe put a little more thought into how the guy was caught other than you reporting it to the police…only bc he seemed to have evaded police at the scene by knocking you out and tying you up to a chair and somehow feeding you pieces of the boy who was missing. You obviously were brought somewhere different and afterwards left in a dumpster. How did the cops know where to go if you had no idea where you were? Not trying to be a D*CK. Just some.constructive criticism. Keep writing. You def have the imagination for it!

    • Puddin Tane

      You hit the nail on the head with that. I was thinking the same thing about all those “then”s. Way too many. Maybe mix it up with; next, also or sometime later. I don’t have a thesaurus handy at the moment. But I hope that helps a little.

  • Colt

    Was going well then tanked it at the end

  • Brooke Williams

    U def used too many ‘thens’. Other than that, it was a great story. I would just detail it some more.

  • Martinez_Liliana

    Umm there were other cops at the scene? How did they not notice you went missing? Makes no sense, easily could’ve called for back up too. Not only that, you see a human body getting chopped, as soon as you confronted him and seen he was coming to you, you had every right to shoot. Bullsh*t story. But good one to entertain kids. Btw , this Is coming from a sister in blue.