I Eat Pencils

I have a big problem, or at least people say so. it’s something I’ve dealt with my whole life and to cut it short I eat pencils. You read that right. Pencils, only the wooden kind though. Call me what you will, I’ve heard it all but I promise the reason is completely normal. It’s just crunch, you know? I love grabbing a nice Ticonderoga pencil and taking a nice bite right out of it, biting into earthy yet chemically taste of painted and dyed wood. The graphite inside making a nice fine powder under my molars, coating the pencil and my mouth in a powder, black film, and the feeling of the thick splintery mush that slides down my throat.

I ignore all the criticism I receive for my “unnatural” and dangerous habits, even my boyfriend calls me out on it and judges me for it. One day we were just making out and he said something poked his lip and he looked in my mouth and saw that there was a shard of wood in my tooth. How did I miss it? Of course I quickly ate it and he did not approve.

“Babe, you gotta stop eating random s**t, Office Depot is not a grocery store!”

What a prick, he wouldn’t understand it, I’ve tried to get him to try it but he refused. But I have a feeling he is going to stay. I feel pain in my lower abdomen and a bulge becoming more apparent. And last night it moved! I’m so excited we can finally have a family together, maybe it will open my boyfriend’s eyes. Get him to realize that I’m completely healthy! He can finally stop harping on me about it.

The only weird thing about this is I feel a prickly and kind of painful poking inside me. Is this normal for an average pregnancy? Well, I’m going to go to doctor tomorrow to get an ultrasound. I wonder what I’m going to name it.

  • Naina


  • Puddin Tane

    Uhh… Ticonderoga no. 3? Just saying.