Good evening, Abigail. I’m sure you’re wondering why you’re here, and to explain, I have a little story for you. My father was the tailor for our little town here in Wisconsin. Not the busiest guy in town, but man… when a potential client came in, my father laid out the red carpet and more. The thing I remember most is how he sold them on his craft. He was the best in the business, and was able to prove it to anyone who asked. My father was a meticulous… a precise man. When you walked into the shop, you got the sense that absolutely nothing was out-of-place. The suit coats were freshly pressed, and hung equidistant from each other. Same with the pants. Shirts were sharply folded and displayed with mechanical precision. He sold many brands and stood by them all. However his specialty… what he was really known for, were his custom suits. Though he never advertised them, people came from across town and state, even across the WORLD for them. All of his business for the custom suits came from word of mouth. No one walking into his little store would even think custom suits were offered.
When I turned 12, my father started training me to take over his business. Over the next 6 years or so, he taught me everything he could about being a tailor. I learned many things like thread count and 100 ways to stitch a seam with my hands behind my back. He taught me how to tell the difference between American cotton, Egyptian cotton and South American cotton simply by touch. Would you believe he showed me a technique to tell how old the sheep were by the quality of wool shorn from their bodies? I could fit and finish a three-piece suit in minutes. My father also showed me the importance of style – taking the shirts, ties, pants, shoes and socks and how to put them together to make a gentleman out of whoever had the funds to pay our fee.
A few years after my 21st birthday, I walked into my father’s office and asked about his custom suit business and why I haven’t been taught about it. I already knew how to do everything else for his business, but if I am to take over someday, I will need to know about his specialty. My father agreed. He explained that his custom suits are what he was renowned for, but only in very particular circles and with very secretive clientele. Not one person who has one of these suits just walked in one day and got one. My father had a vetting process for these clients. They could only be referred by an existing client and were given a thorough background check. Only after you passed this check, would he discuss any of the other details surrounding these very special suits.
First, I learned about the clients who purchased a custom suit in the past. As I mentioned, all of the custom business came through referrals. He told me how important it was to know who had them, and that he can trust them to keep a secret. I asked him why he was so mysterious about it. He said if there is no secret, no mystery, there is no purpose to being in this business.
I then learned about the material selection. Thread counts don’t apply here, since theses suits are hide based. The hide I needed would have to be harvested and then made into the suit the customer wanted. This means I have to be especially in tune with the customer so that they get exactly what they want. My customers always get what they want.
My Dad died a few years ago, Abigail. I have since taken over as tailor and now want to talk to you about why you are here and why you are so important to my business. You may have figured out that my custom suit business is really pretty unique. My grandfather, Ed, was a great inspiration to my father. I in turn, am inspired by my father. You see, my grandfather really hit upon a tremendous discovery: Human skin is one of the most durable, comfortable, and craftable materials on this planet. It is surprisingly breathable, more durable than leather and has the feel of expensive suede. Did you know it’s also waterproof when properly tanned? Not many do. And that’s why you are here, Abigail. Because for all these years, going back to the 40’s and 50’s, this shop has only harvested from men and sold to men, and I now have my first female customer.
The thing with female skin is that it’s more sensitive than a man’s skin. My client wants to be assured that her new suit will be as soft as it can be. I can deliver this to her, Abigail… with your help. See, with all the things my father taught me, he wasn’t around long enough for me to share one of my greatest discoveries about suit making:
The hormones associated with fear, typically adrenaline and cortisol, have a remarkable effect on the skin when in large quantities. These hormones actually penetrate the skin, and if harvested correctly, the hormones remain in the skin. It really is quite amazing, and I regret not being able to tell my father about my discovery. The hormones impart not only kevlar like durability, but render the skin softer than Alpaca fur. This is the kind of quality my customers demand and expect. I deliver this quality, Abigail, and that is why they refer clients to me.
Now you may ask how these hormones are generated. Well, I’m sure you are fearful right now, but we really need to get the blood flowing. I’ve really only been able to get the results I need one way so far… and Abigail, I apologize. You are not going to like this. At all. I’ve only been able to get the quality skin I need when I harvest the skin from the host while they are alive. And that’s what this scalpel is for, Abigail. You may start screaming now if you like. No one will be able to hear you, but if it keeps you conscious a little longer, please… by all means… scream. You will help me tremendously by doing so. I’m afraid you won’t survive through the end of this procedure, but I want you to know your sacrifice will be truly appreciated by my client. After all, quality is the only goal here at E. Gein Tailor and Suit!
