The Eyes

“Its running at me,with those horrifying,disgusting jaws ripped wide open. Those…eyes. They are pure evil…but…it feels like as if it’s saying “I’m sorry…” I…”

The Eyes
A story by Eyeboll

Madison moved into her new home. It was a little urban in her large neighborhood,but she knew she’d get used to it. She looked at the lawn. Oh how beautiful it looked with the grass as green as ever,and the dew shining off of it,like they were emeralds. She smelled the air. It was wonderful with its crisp texture and cool breeze. She looked at her house. It was a little large,like it was meant for a family. But Madison was contemplating on having one some day. She’d love it if they could live here in this beautiful property with them.

But she couldn’t wait any longer. She opened the door to a blast of warm air,which tingled her skin. She closed the door behind her and looked around. It was a little crowded,with not much space,but it was 2 stories,so she brushed it off. She ran around the house,giggling. She was 27 at the time and she spent 7 of those years busting her a*s of for this. Honestly,she thought it was entirely worth it. Or,she thought so.

She spent the entire week unpacking the stuff she needed and putting the rest of it in her car to be sold or put to good use. She grabbed her diary and looked at it. She hadn’t used it since she was 9. It was old,crusty,and had many stains,but many of the pages were still readable. She looked through her book,smiling at some of the lost nostalgia she had just found. She decided to keep it and write in it about her time here,until she felt she didn’t need to, want to,or had to anymore.

“Dear Diary (April 2,2001)”

“I finally did it. I found a good job that pays well,and managed to get my own house. I feel so proud of myself I’ve gotten this far in life myself. Lets hope it stays like this.”

After unpacking a few things,night had already fallen. She walked up to her bedroom,and practically fell on her bed. She put the diary away and thought, “S**t,I forgot to get Max from my parents house. Hopefully they’re feeding him like I taught them.” But without a seconds hesitation,she fell asleep cold.
D○&t ₩○¿¿¥. ₩÷ ₩!ll k÷÷p ¥@[ c○#[email protected]/¥. M1D¿son.

The next morning,she woke up to the sound of scratching on her front door. Expecting it to be Max and her parents,she got dressed fast and rushed down the stairs. She threw the door open…but no one was there. she rubbed her eyes,but to no avail. She swore she heard something. “God damnit,this better not be because of pests.” She texted her mother “You guys are home right?” which was quickly responded with “Yes dear. Why do you ask?” “Oh,no reason. Just making sure your safe. I worry about you guys now that we’re apart.” She put her phone away and sighed,going back upstairs.

She decided that she still had to go get Max either way,so she got in her car and drove off to her parents place.

When she arrived she greeted her parents and hugged them. “I’m gonna miss you guys when I’m fully moved in.” “We will miss you too,Maddie.” her parents said. She sat on the couch and started chatting with them. The house was a velvet red,with many old pictures from the 1900’s,but it still looked nice. Max barked and jumped on Maddie. She giggled and pet him. He was a medium sized golden retriever,only a year old. But he was still a pretty good guard dog when he wanted to be. She didn’t l them about the scratching for reasons not even she knew. She  waved goodbye and drove off with Max in the car.

When she got back to her home she saw a few scratch marks on the door. She mistook it for the ‘pests’ and opened the door to find small scratches almost on everything. The wall,curtains,floor,couch,rugs,all of it. Now she was a little scared. She knew one pest couldn’t do this,and if here were a lot,the previous owners would’ve told her,or something. But,she couldn’t believe it. She got paint out of her car to try and paint over what could be painted. She would worry about the rugs about couch and rugs later. She fed Max and walked upstairs slowly. The top floor wasn’t affected,thank god. she checked the rooms to make sure. Thankfully,they weren’t. But a few things were misplaced. Madison went to bed after everything was taken care of,but she could fall asleep. Something kept her up.

Dear Diary (April 17,2001)

“Something weird has been happening. Scratches and noises are everywhere,but I have never seen a pest here,but they happen. I’m feeling worried,I might…”

She heard a loud thud. Then Max started barking as loud as he could. I opened my door slowly so it would creak and peeked downstairs. Max was backed against the wall barking at a horrific,large,black oozing monster with eyes that would give anything nightmares. It was indeed oozing a black and red goop when it moved. It moved slowly towards Max who started to whine at this point. A hole lined with razor sharp teeth ripped open in the thing and bit Max. The thing put its mouth over half of Max then starting shaking wildly like a shark,and Max was ripped in half. Blood splattered everywhere and i could hear gurgling. Then the thing swallowed the other half of Max,and left the kitchen. Madison as frozen in shock at what she experienced. The thing stared at her,unmoving. Madison screamed and fell back. “GET AWAY YOU SICK DAMN F**K!” The thing ran at her. She opened her book.

Dear Diary

“I’m done. He…no…that thing saw me. IT…killed Max,my poor dog. I’m next,I know it… It’s running at me,with those horrifying,disgusting jaws ripped wide open. Those…eyes. They are pure evil…but…it feels as if it’s saying “I’m sorry…” I…”

 

 

  • Fiver

    I imagine this was typed on a phone as there are commas in the place of spaces throughout the story. It may be helpful to proofread and clean up major, repetitive mistakes like that. There are a few mistakes in spelling and grammar that you should watch out for.
    In pieces you want to keep short, but have cover a longer period of time you may want to cut back the imagery and the useless details. It’s great to build up a character but tuck it into the plot rather than directly stating it. Imagery should be weaved in as well unless initial, blatant description is the writing style, though that is difficult to pull off without ruining the story. If you want to keep a short piece with a longer tike frame then weave in imagery sparingly and focus on plot and building tension.
    The last diary entry is unrealistic and ineffective. When being chased and attacked people try to get away unless completely trapped. The situation, especially with so little build up, would have triggered her fight or flight reflexes. The diary entry just cuts away from the plot and pulls the reader further from the story. Instead maybe try more build up to wither her down or even a chase to exhaust her if you want to end in a diary entry. Don’t use so much ellipses though. They are a waste of time and space when one is writing in a hurry and they add absolutely nothing to the tone or mood.

  • Phone

    I would like to see how the monster looks , great story. 4 stars.