My name is Infinity, I’m 16 and 5ft 1inches. I live with my mom in a small apartment, there is a forest in the back of the apartment building.

It was a regular school day, I just got home and my mom wasn’t home so I decided to go out in the forest.

One of the bullies at my school decided to follow me into the forest and threaten me.

“You are so stupid! You go out alone in the forest where no one can hear your scream! Ha!” The bully said as she shoved me on the ground as she tried to slash at me with a knife but I rolled to the side before she slashed me. “I..*pant* I didn’t think anyone was following…*pant* me…” I said out of breath as I stood up in a fighting stance. “Well then, your stupid! I can track anyone down without them knowing I’m tracking them! *pant*” She said getting up and getting ready to slash at me again. “May I interrupt your fight?” A quiet male voice said from behind a tree. “You can’t get into our fight you weep!” She said as she turned to where the voice was. “I…*pant* you probably shouldn’t say that…*pant*” I said getting a little stressed out. “What did you say?!” She said turning toward me with her face looking just like a cherry. “Yeah, you really shouldn’t talk to me like that…” The quiet male voice got timid as he stepped than ran straight to the bully and stabbed her from behind. “W…*pant* Whoa….” I said as I leaned on a tree still out of breath. “Hmm…? Oh, I forgot you were here..” The boy said calmly as he walked over as quiet as a snake, and before I knew it he was right in front of me, like a shadow in the dark slowly approaching. “Are…you okay…darling?” The boy said lifting my head by my chin, I was shaking like a scared cat. “Well it’s easy to forget someone like me…*pant*…” I said as quiet as a mouse’s squeak. “Stop shaking please, it’s not good to shake like a cat…But, what’s your name darling?” The boy said looking into my eyes like a snake about to catch it’s prey. “My name is…*pant*…Infinity…” I said slowly trying to avert my eyes away from him, but his eyes said not to look away. “Infinity…a beautiful name. My name is Shadow…Can I call you darling instead of Infinity..?” Shadow asked as he let go of my chin like a cat slowly moving away with it’s soft fur. “I…sure…But why do you want to call me darling, Shadow?” I asked carefully to make sure I wouldn’t make a turn in the conversation, like a cat and a mouse. “Oh, I want to call you darling because, I think the name suits you…” Shadow said as he started to walk away like a wolf about to attack it’s prey. “Oh, no one calls me nothing but name’s that are….nevermind…” I said putting my head down to look at my watch and it was 6:39 my mom was home probably worried so I told Shadow to meet me here tomorrow at 5:25 to hangout, he said sure and so I went home. I was as happy as a puppy, but I covered it up before I went into our apartment.


  • Fiver

    I don’t understand what this is suppose to be. The plot is nearly nonexistent. The characters are flater that a sheet of tissue paper, and there is nothing creepy or unsettling about this. It barely makes sense.,

    • Scott Fagner

      I have to agree… It’s kind of creative for a beginning writer, but you were jumping around a lot during the story and just ignored some major parts. For example, the bully being stabbed in the back, and that’s it…

  • Konner

    You took my advice and made a background. Good. But you made a crap background. Infinity pretty much has the same background as Raven. Plus this one was way more flat. Why was it called powers? And you still didn’t put your story in paragraphs. I don’t want to pester or annoy you but you just don’t seem fit to be writer.

  • Ellpa Elgae

    Konner and Fiver pretty much summed it up for me. 👌

    • Konner

      So nice..

  • Rose ThePainter

    Okay, first of all. I’m having a very hard time in life so sorry if my writing s***s. I have strep throat, I have to maintain my relationship with my boyfriend and my friends. I tried to kill myself and tried to disappear but no one let me do that.

    I just wish someone would let me disappear forever.

    So I’m sorry if my writing s***s, but I promise once summer comes I’ll give writing my all and write a perfect story that you’ll love! I just need time right now and I’m sort of running out of that so, I hope you understand what I’m about to say.

    I might give up on my passions, writing and drawing because of people who criticize my work. At least say a complement or don’t say anything at all! I can’t take mean comments like you people have been saying, cause it honestly hurts to read these and get the gist of what you mean. It really hurts.

    • Simon

      “Oh no! People say my crappy stories are kinda crappy. I’ll go complain about that in one of the comment sections of my crappy stories.”
      Freaking grow up. Of course people would criticise your stories – they’re literally some of the worst things I’ve ever read. And that’s not a bad thing. Noone was perfect in their first go at something. You think Steven King got where he is with the first thing he ever wrote? No, he worked hard and practiced a lot and that’s how he became a good writer.
      And as for the criticism itself, do you think Scott Cawthon just have up on his job as a game developer after the first few comments about the hideousness of his characters? No, he took the criticism into consideration and used it when making his next game – Five Nights At Freddie’s. And what happened next? He became rich and famous, that’s what. He DIDN’T start whining in some comment section that his feelings were hurt.
      Speaking of which, have you ever thought about all the poor people in poor countries with no access to technology and entertainment? Cause such people exist. And I’m the meantime, here you are whinig about people criticising your stories and about “going through a hard time”. Just stop. We all have issued we have to deal with, some more so than others. You’re not a special snowflake ok?

      • Rose ThePainter

        I’m not trying to say that, I’m only 12. I’m only getting help after school and I’m trying to get my skills higher in writing. I also know about the people in some parts of the world that have no technology. And I’m saying I’m not a “special snowflake”
        Thank you very much!

        • Simon

          Well, good to know. Sorry for being kinda aggressive there, I was kinda annoyed at something. I could share a couple of writing tips if you want.

          • Rose ThePainter

            If you can that would be wonderful

          • Simon

            First and foremost, try writing about flawed characters. None of us humans are perfect Mary Sues, we all have different issues and problems. Flawed characters are therefore are more realistic and relatable to the reader, because they’re more similar to us than the super kind and awesome alpha-humans that are most Mary Sues.

            When most people hear “Mary Sue”, they think of a character with no negative traits. I, however, think of a character whose traits and personality are never the cause of a negative event in the story. You can have a character that acts like a complete jerk, but if nothing bad happens because of that, if no-one gets insulted by him or whatever, then he would be pretty unrelatable and not really fun to read about.

            So when I say”Have flawed characters.” I actually mean “Have characters that cause bad things to happen, wheter intentionally or not, by being themselves”. The possibilities are pretty vast.

          • Rose ThePainter

            That would be powerful in writing

          • Rose ThePainter

            I have an idea now

          • Simon

            Stories are more or less about character arcs. A character start one way and changes as the story goes on, whether for better or for worse. That’s another reason why flawed characters are better than flawless ones – as the story goes on, said characters can learn to become better people and fix some of their flaws.
            You don’t have to limit yourself with just that though. You could also write about characters that become progresivly worse as the story goes. That’s technically what stories like Jeff The Killer are about.

            It’s important to know however, how to do the character development right. Let’s look at the aforementioned Jeff The Killer. In it, Jeff starts out pretty normal, but just after a couple of fights with a bully, in one of which he gets his face burned and bleached, he goes completely psychotic. Now, I’m not saying this wouldn’t be a somewhat scarring event, but it’s not THAT scarring. Jeff The Killer is a pretty over-exaggerated story, and that’s why it’s not taken very seriously by some people.
            Now let’s look at a similar story from the Batman comic “The Killing Joke”, which reveals the backstory of the Joker. In it, the Joker was once a factory worker who quit his job in order to pursue a comedian career. He didn’t do too well however, so he had to live in poverty with his loving pregnant wife. One day, I’m an act of desperation, he agreed to help out 2 criminals who wanted to break into the factory he once worked in. The day before the robbery, however, the Joker was informed that his wife had died because of an unlikely accident. He couldn’t back out of the deal, however, so that night he was forced to go with the criminals. Suddenly, the police and Batman showed up and quickly dispached the criminals (and even killed them,if I remember correctly). The Joker, In fear for his life, jumped into a vat of chemicals and barely made it out of the factory. It was when he saw his disfigured face that he finally snapped and went insane.

            Now, while not perfect, this is a much better paced story than Jeff The Killer. The Joker doesn’t just get into a couple of fights, he has his already miserable life completely ruined. It makes much more sence for him to snap, because the story actually gave good reasons for that to happen. That’s why “The Killing Joke” is consideredto be one of the best comicbooks ever.

            So when writing stories, make sure the events of the story gives an appropriate impact on the characters. For example, don’t have a character stop being selfish because he was told so by his girlfriend or whatever. Have him stop being selfish because he got to experience first hand the generosity of people in much worse conditions than him that have no reason to help him. Don’t be like Jeff The Killer, be like the Killing Joke.

          • Rose ThePainter

            What if I were to make a twisted story of someone with….nevermind but, the next story I’ll be writing will be like a riddle and I’m going to put my all into it! Thank you so much for the tips! 😀

          • Simon

            Some more technical tips:
            When making a multi-part story, try making each part have a beginning, middle and end like a normal story would. Otherwise you’ll probably and up writing parts that just show the characters go from point A to point B without anything interesting happening, and parts where there’s a sudden plot-dump and a ton of stuff happens to quickly and without warning.
            Basically, treat each part as its own separate story.
            When writing dialogue, try doing it like this:

            Mr Example suddenly popped out of nowhere.
            -Hello there! -he said, waving his hand- How are you doing?

            Go on a new paragraph when another character starts talking. Keep the quotation marks for showing what a character is thinking:

            “Wait, who am I even talking to?” Mr Example thought, shaking slightly from embarrassment.

            Avoid doing multi-part stories if you don’t have a good reason to do so, since the pacing can get pretty bad if the readers have to wait a few days for each new chapter.

            Be original. If you think about it, most creepypastas are pretty similar to each other. There are 3 types of stories most people write:Jeff The Killer-style stories, where the main character becomes a psychopath, Sonic.EXE/Ben Drowned-style stories where the main character comes across some inanimate object that is possesed and acts unnaturally (and usually kills said character) and the Spooky Monster-type that has the main character encounter some spooky monster that may or may not kill him by the end.
            Don’t limit yourself to just that! Think of new and weird ideas and don’t be afraid to experiment. There are many ways to do horror.
            Ask yourself this: What do you want people to feel when reading your stories? Scared? Terrified? Creeped out? Disgusted? Insignificant in the presence of a much, MUCH greater and more powerful force than them? Combinations of the previous choices?
            You could do all that. Jeff the Killer already exists, so there’s no point in re-writing it, right? So instead of doing that, go for something unique.

            Of course, that doesn’t mean you should completely avoid using some cliches. Thinking of something completely original is near impossible in this day and age, so don’t worry when getting some inspiration from pre-existing stories. Just don’t forget to add your own personal touch, your own idea, your own unique interpretation that would give a new meaning to the old story.

            Also, grammar is important and stuff…

    • SkullNboNes

      I’m probably not a good enough writer to give advice, but I’ll try. Firstly, you should definitely not give up writing, you’re young so you still have a long path ahead of you to get better. I have received plenty of criticism for my stories and so have many of the greats. I still see people criticizing Steven King and R.L. Stien and so many others, but they never give up, and neither should you.

      Make sure to read a lot and write a lot everyday. I make sure to read stories by those who inspired me to write and analyze what it is about their stories that I like and incorporate them into my own. I don’t always do this, but I try to mentally plan out how the story will play out. What will the characters personality be, how will it carry through the story, what tragic event will happen to them, etc. Just make sure to plan.

      Although most critics will be harsh ignore the mean words and just focus on the advice. Find out what it is that you need to improve and research how to improve on it. You definitely have potential and I’d hate for someone to lose their passion in writing. Just keep going and you will keep improving:)

  • Simon

    -And then that happened and then this happ-…
    -Wait, why did that happen?
    -I dunno, who cares?

  • Ray Ramirez

    Your stories are creative, I think you have potential to do better as you go. Giving up on your passions won’t make anything better, all you can do is continue to practice on them. You’re still young, you have plenty of time to practice writing and become what you’re aiming for. I’m sorry if some were hurtful or mean, not everyone will be kind when giving an opinion.