Neverwake

by foxy the pirate
797
3.42
4

Have you ever tried sleeping at night? But you just can’t? Well there’s a reason for that. Be warned as this is quite a gruesome story with elements of psychological horror. If that’s not your thing please stop reading. Thank you and enjoy.

My name is Aydin. And I’m 13 years of age. Have you ever tried sleeping but simply can’t? What if I told you that you were sleeping. However you were in a world Almost identical to yours. However if this happens to you then try to fall asleep. If you don’t I’m afraid you may never see the real world again. Here’s why.

I was in bed. Lying there awake. Eyes wide open. Instead of trying to sleep I went downstairs for a glass of warm milk. I poured myself a glass of milk and out it in the microwave. When it was done I took it out to see it had melted.

“What the hell?” I thought to myself.

I felt a small drop of liquid on my head. I looked up and saw nothing. Then I looked down and saw the ceiling had been covered in a thick red substance. Then I fell into the red substance and found myself in a place id never forget. Everything was made of blood red faces of agony.

The faces started moaning, “Welcome to Neverwake. You will Feel our pain.”

My heart sank. I ran around looking for an exit. Until I noticed. Something grabbed me. A hand-made of eyes and mouths grabbed me and kept repeating, “Feel our pain.”

I screamed in the hopes of scaring it off but then its mouth opened wide.

“Feel our pain.” The hand said to me before I was engulfed by it.

I found myself back in the kitchen of my home. Everything was fine. Or at least I thought. I looked at my hands and noticed there was a mouth on each of my palms shouting, “FEEL TRUE PAIN!! FEEL OUR PAIN!!”

It was then I saw both my hand sever and fall to the floor. With blue blood spewing out of it. The blue blood filled the entire i room that I was drowning in it. I reached for the surface and found myself in the ocean. I was pulled underwater by the same hands screaming, “FEEL OUR PAIN!! FEEL NEVERWAKE!!” I had drowned. But I was not dead. And I was in my bed. I had woken up in the real world and it was 7 AM.

“That was the weirdest damn dream of my life.” I said to myself.

I then heard a whisper in my ear saying, “Feel our pain.”

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  • Joshua

    THAT WAS AWESOME

  • Bonnie Manz

    Your story needs to be edited!

  • Lucas Myers

    This was boring and took off immediately with no suspense in the story. The warning in the vegibegin was comical if anything because the story fell short in the horror department. 1/5 for the gentleman who said this is “awesome” needs to read better contwco.

  • JDWintony

    Neverwake is yet another shock-horror creepypasta that revolves around “scary/gory” imagery in lieu of a strong narrative or suspense. Despite that critical summary, I still kind of liked it.

    A lot of the fiction in this subgenre is uninventive, derivitive or just plain boring. Neverwake at least creates a surreal setting that, if it were developed some, could be truly unsettling to explore. I also applaud the author’s eye for description. Too many people on this site just say, “it was creepy” or “it was gory” rather than actually describing the place.

    The story would benefit from a new frame for the narrative. Dreams are a rich territory for surreal horror, but the work needs something more than a “this creepy thing happened to me once” setup. This is especially true if you want to setup the “twist” at the end. I might even drop the twist entirely. The possibility that one could always be awake but simultaneously in this otherworld is terrifying enough.

    I think the author has potential and I would recommend revisiting this story. It needs a lot of work but there’s a good base here to expand upon. If you want to go for body horror, put that imagination to work and really come up with some twisted new stuff no one else has thought of to populate the world of neverwake. Finally, nix the disclaimer at the start.

    1/3