S**t, I’m not really sure what to do right now. And I shouldn’t be saying s**t, I know. My dad would kick my a*s if he knew I was using “bad words”. But I’m sure he’s going to kick my a*s anyway when he finds out that I snooped in the ONE place he told me not to.
See, my dad and I just moved to this new house in Dorchester, MA. No, I won’t tell you the address. I may be a kid but I’m not stupid. I know you aren’t supposed to talk to strangers on the internet or take candy from creepy white vans or whatever. I probably shouldn’t even be posting this but I’m not exactly flushed with options right now. And this site seems like my only route for something like this.
So, I guess here it goes.
We moved into this old Victorian home because my dad got a new job offer in Boston. It was pretty sick. It had five bedrooms, a giant kitchen, a massive fireplace and a decent sized yard for still technically being in “the city.” The realtor didn’t know much about the place, only that it has been unoccupied for a few years and was just recently renovated. Apparently there was a fire way back in the day or something. It was old too, like a 100 years. Either way, I was psyched to live in a city and meet new friends. I thought it would be way more interesting than living in that small s****y a*s town I grew up in my whole life.
My dad let me pick whatever room I wanted and basically allowed me free rein of the house and the neighborhood. He had only one stipulation: I shouldn’t go anywhere near the attic. So obviously, that’s the first thing I did.
Apparently the people who renovated the house had just boarded up the attic since it was basically useless. It was dusty, full of old, moldy s**t and, in my dad’s words, “Just plain dangerous.”
At first, I didn’t see what the fuss was about—until I found the journal. It was tucked under a loose floorboard I had tripped over (Guess you were right, dad). As I rubbed my leg and let out a string of curses, I saw the journal peeking out from under the floor. I snatched it up and scurried downstairs before my dad got home.
The journal is pretty old and has a beaten, black leather cover. It’s written in massive, cursive scrawl. I’ve transcribed its contents here.
***
December 25th, 1944
Hello. My name is Mary and this is my new journal! Mommy got it for me for Christmas this year and I’m SO excited. I’ve never owned a journal before. Mommy says they are for big girls so I guess this means that I’m a big girl now.
Mommy says I have to be a big girl for her. She cried a lot today and said that Pappa would have been really proud of me for getting so big. But Pappa isn’t here today. Mommy says that he isn’t coming back from his trip. I miss him a lot but Mommy said he’s been really really really brave and I should be proud of him for defending our country.
I don’t really care if Pappa is brave. I just want him to come home. Mommy wants me to come downstairs now to eat supper so I have to say bye!
Love always,
Mary Sue Bennett
***
January 2nd, 1945
Mommy had a really loud party the other night. There was lots of dancing and music that made my eardrums hurt. Mommy said I had to stay in my room and I couldn’t come to the party because it was for grown ups. I’m mad because she told me I’m a big girl and big girls should be able to go to parties.
I wanted to show Mommy how I could be grown up so I went to the party anyway. I got all dressed up and everything! I wore my prettiest dress and put my hair in ribbons.
I snuck down the stairs and almost made it to the dance floor before Jenny caught me. Jenny is our cook and she’s real nice but she didn’t like me sneaking around. She told Mommy and Mommy got really really mad.
Mommy dragged me up the stairs by my hair and made me sit in the hallway on my knees. She told me I had to stay there all night long and if I moved I would be punished.
I tried really really hard to stay on my knees but I got so tired. I must have fallen asleep because I was woken up by Mommy and her friend. They must have been dancing really hard because they were swaying and couldn’t stand upright on the stairs. He kept grabbing at Mommy for balance and Mommy kept laughing. I bet their feet hurt real bad. My knees hurt bad too.
Mommy and her friend didn’t pay me much attention. They went into Mommy’s room and shut the door. The music played loud all night.
Love always,
Mary Sue Bennett
***
January 26th, 1945
It’s been real cold and Mommy has been crying more. I think she misses Pappa. It’s his birthday today. Usually for his birthday she and Jenny make a big cake and we all sit around the table and eat it until our bellies are sore. But Mommy didn’t make a cake this year. When I asked Jenny why she said that Pappa doesn’t need a cake anymore because he’s in heaven. I hope heaven has cake.
I decided to make a cake anyway for Pappa just in case. I wasn’t sure what was in a cake so I just added all of things we had in the kitchen. I was real proud of what I made even though it didn’t look as good as what Jenny and Mommy usually make. But I showed it to Mommy anyway!
Mommy wasn’t too happy with my cake. She wasn’t happy with the mess I made either. She slapped me really hard and said that Pappa would be ashamed of me. That hurt my feelings real bad. I love Pappa and I wouldn’t want to make him mad.
Love always,
Mary Sue Bennett
***
January 28th, 1945
Mommy says I’m sick. She won’t let me leave my bed. I feel fine but Mommy says that’s what all sick people say. Mommy must think I’m a liar. I don’t want to be a liar.
Love always,
Mary Sue Bennett
***
February 1st, 1945
Jenny came to check in on me and Mommy and her got into a real bad fight. Jenny says I’m not really sick and Mommy is just real sad, that’s all. But that’s not what Mommy says. Mommy says I’m too sick to leave my room.
Mommy says the house is making her head fuzzy too. She gave me this medicine that made me feel real tired and sleepy. I felt like I was floating but it tasted real bad. It made my tummy hurt.
I hope I get better soon.
Love always,
Mary Sue Bennett
***
February 4th, 1945
I heard Jenny and Mommy fight again. They didn’t think I could hear them but I could hear them through my door.
Jenny says she’s taking me to the doctor but Mommy says that she is the only one who can take care of me. Mommy says I have to stay in the house.
She’s been giving me more medicine lately. I get two spoonfuls a day! Mommy says it’s because I’m a big girl and I need lots of medicine to make me better. I don’t like the medicine. It makes my head and tummy hurt. I’m really sleepy but Mommy says that’s because I’m sick. I don’t want to take the medicine anymore.
Love always,
Mary Sue Bennett
***
February 27th, 1945
Jenny woke me up last night. It must have been real late because she told me to be really quiet so I wouldn’t wake Mommy up.
She came over to my bed and tried to help me stand up but I couldn’t walk. My legs hurt so badly. I don’t know the last time Mommy let me stand. She says I’m too sick. But Jenny doesn’t think I’m sick. Jenny thinks something is wrong with Mommy.
Jenny carried me out of my room and told me that she was taking me to a special doctor. She told me that I was safe now and I didn’t have to worry.
Mommy didn’t like that. Mommy was waiting at the bottom of the stairs with the pistol Pappa got her for her birthday. Mommy says I’m really sick and need to go back to bed.
Mommy is always right.
Love always,
Mary Sue Bennett
***
February 28th, 1945
Mommy spent all day scrubbing the floors. She said there was a stain she had to get rid of. I asked her if Jenny could help her and Mommy said that Jenny went away.
Mommy said that Jenny is with Pappa. I’m glad Pappa has a friend with him now.
Love always,
Mary Sue Bennett
***
March 17th, 1945
Mommy says the house hums at night. I tried real hard but I didn’t hear anything.
Love always,
Mary Sue Bennett
***
April 3rd, 1945
Mommy had a bunch of people come over yesterday. They all came into my room and told me what a brave girl I was. They told me that my Mommy is taking such good care of me.
Mommy takes real good care of me. She now gives me three spoonfuls of medicine a day! She says it’s because I’m getting bigger but I feel like I’m getting much smaller. I’ve lost so much weight and I keep finding clumps of my hair on my pillow. My tummy hurts real bad but Mommy said she is going to make it all better.
Love always,
Mary Sue Bennett
***
April 16th, 1945
I was in the paper today! Mommy showed me an article about us and how she is taking such good care about me. I look real skinny in the picture but Mommy says that’s a good thing. She says it means I’m getting better. And Mommy looked so stunning in the photograph.
Mommy says that people are going to send us money so I can get better.
Love always,
Mary Sue Bennett
***
April 21st, 1945
I told Mommy I don’t want to take the medicine anymore. Mommy didn’t like that. Mommy says that I’m a bad girl.
Love always,
Mary Sue Bennett
***
May 5th, 1945
I have a secret! I haven’t been taking the medicine Mommy gave me. I know that makes me a bad girl but I don’t care about being a bad girl anymore.
I hide the medicine in my mouth when Mommy gives it and I spit it right out when she leaves my bedroom. I feel much better now. My hair is starting to grow back and I can actually eat the soup Mommy feeds me. Yesterday, I even walked across my room!
Love always,
Mary Sue Bennett
***
May 6th, 1945
Mommy didn’t like it that I haven’t been taking my medicine. Mommy isn’t happy with me.
Mommy cried when I told her I was feeling better. She slapped me across the face and told me how ashamed Pappa would be of me. She told me I was a bad daughter.
She told me I’m going to be sorry for what I’ve done. But I’m not sorry for what I’ve done, I’m not sick anymore. I don’t like being sick.
Love always,
Mary Sue Bennett
***
May 10th, 1945
Mommy says I’m dying. She boarded up the windows in my room and locks the door each night. She says I’m contagious and I’ll make her sick if I leave. I don’t want to make her sick. I don’t want to die either.
She makes me take four spoonfuls of medicine each day. She waits for me to swallow it before she leaves the room, locking the door behind her.
I don’t feel so good anymore.
Love always,
Mary Sue Bennett
***
May 29th, 1945
Mommy makes me sick. I hear the humming now.
Love always,
Mary Sue Bennett
***
That’s the last entry in the journal. When I googled “Mary Sue Bennett”, I found the obituary for a five year old girl. They say that she suffered from a long illness and died peacefully in her sleep on June 5th, 1945. The obituary mentioned that the girl was cared for by her dutiful mother, Shirley Bennett. The obituary later went on to say how “tragic” of a story it was but how Shirley was “so brave” and such a “loving mother”.
When I googled “Shirley Bennett”, I found a wedding announcement from 1947. Shirley remarried a baker and had twins, John and Elizabeth. The happy family lived together in this house for years until Elizabeth and John were both killed in a fire on their 12th birthday. The source of the fire was never discovered.
But I’m pretty sure I know who caused the fire. And I’m pretty sure that Mary didn’t die of a prolonged illness.
But I have to go now. Daddy wants me to come downstairs now to eat supper so I have to say bye!
Love always,
Steven O’Connor
