Re-evaluation (Mindset)

Believe me when I say, I’m as curious as you to understand what went through Joe Stevens head when he said, ‘Curiosities sake of the employees reactions.’ We are all aware of the severity of the drug he has placed into the water jugs of the workplace. It has been circling in my head what his true intent could be as there must have been an underlying purpose for his ‘experiment’.

There have been many follow ups since my imprisonment, many people whom I didn’t know personally but had a brief exchange with in the building lobby. Some who have jumped to their unfortunate end, a few found hanging from ceiling fans or doors and others who have murdered bystanders or sleeping members of families and been arrested.

As I was the first to be arrested and placed here, I was also the first to be tested by the psychologist for a routine sanity test. There were many standard questions involved in this, for example: Looking at this paint splodge, what do you see? Why did you murder them? How do you feel being stuck here? But the questions quickly became more sadistic… I was asked… If I enjoyed doing it, and if I would consider doing it again for money… and another fix of the… ’heroin’… My first thought was, ‘How did the CEO get me here…? Wasn’t he already arrested and why me?’ My secondary thought being, ‘Is he really the boss in this experiment? Or does it go higher?’ I quickly refused the ‘fix’ and assured them of my hatred towards myself for doing this and stood up to go back to my cell. As I opened the door, the psychiatrist encouragingly said to me, “Well, you know where to find us if you change your mind.”

My reasoning for disbelief in the CEO being the boss spouted from when I saw that he was arrested for experimenting with illegal substances on his employees. Joe Stevens always struck me as the guy who preferred to be behind the scenes, so why would such a big shot risk his own arrest and be the centre of attention? All seemed kind of fishy to me. While I was stuck in here, I couldn’t do much about reviewing the situation and coming to a clear verdict easily. This being because the resources necessary to do so were hard to come by here. Aside from my access to the news story in the papers during the day and the other prisoners who were arrested after me. Though only two were actually sent to my prison and even if Joe were sent here, he would be untouchable.

I laid down that evening exhausted after no follow-up interviews with the CEO were published in today’s paper, and doing my best to avoid other inmates in an attempt to survive another day, trust me. I think they did their best to place me in the worst possible part of the worst prison available.

The following morning I awoke to murmurs outside my cell door at what felt like 2 am. My door unlocked as I see my psychologist step into my room to which she says, “Come on Shaun, we have much to discuss.” I have never been so scared, not just because I thought I was done with therapy, but because she wasn’t the one that evaluated me the first time, and I’ve seen her before, that day…