These Four Walls

Day 1

The last thing I can remember, is coming home late from work. It was Thursday evening around 9:30 PM. I had picked up some chinese takeout on the way home for myself, I remember putting the food down on the counter and going to the bathroom but now, I don’t know where I am, or how I got here. I seem to be in some kind of cell, the walls are cold cement, all except one, which is dark tinted glass, there is a bright white light shining down on me, the only other things in the room except for myself are a steel toilet, a stone cot with a single pillow on it, and a pad of paper and a black pen. When I woke up I was dressed in some white uniform, a woman was standing in front of me.

“Please document each day you can in this booklet.”

That’s what I remember her saying, before she stuck me with a needle and I blacked out again. Now I’m alone…and since I have nothing better to do, I guess I’m writing in this book. There are no clocks in here, and I have no way of telling the date, or the time. I tried breaking the glass, banging on it, screaming out for help. but there was no answer, the glass was strong, obviously reinforced.

There’s a PA system in here as well, I was lying down and I heard it come on. A man’s voice came through;

“Good afternoon Jacob, My name is professor Williams, I am very much looking forward to…Working with you.”

That was all he said before the PA switched off. Then, a small slit below the glass panel opened up, and a small silver tray slid forward, on there was a single slice of bread, and a pouch of water. As I sat on the bed and ate, the dark glass panel faded, revealing two people in lab coats on the other side, both male, both holding clips boards, they wrote scribbled on their clip boards, said something to each other that I couldn’t hear through the glass then pushed a button, bringing the tint back up again.

Day 2

I guess I will tell the days apart from when they turn off the light and leave me in darkness. i don’t know how long it was but I know it’s been several hours. I guess I fell asleep at some point because I was jolted awake when the light turned on. I have no real desire to write any of this uselessness down, but I have nothing else to do and these days are long. It has been quite all day, no PA interruptions, no one coming inside and the glass remained unchanged.

At the time I suppose I was still in shock, but now that I’ve had time to think on it, how did the voice on the PA know my name… Why am I here….where even am I…

Day 3

Once the lights go out, I’m plunged into total darkness so I can’t write anymore, I usually don’t end up falling asleep right away. I think about what my life was and what I might have done to end up here. I was never a criminal, nor have I ever done anything that may be considered Illegal. I’m only 23 years old. I worked full time in a warehouse that moved and packaged paper… How the hell did I end up here, and how the hell am I supposed to get out.

The glass faded away again, the usually tinted glass became transparent for a few minutes, this time a woman stood in front of me, she had dark hair and wore a similar white lab coat to the others’. She watched me pace back and fourth, then stop and stare. she scribbled onto her clipboard then left. She left the glass in it’s transparent state. I stayed and watched the emptiness beyond the glass for a long time, but nothing happened, no one came by. Of course I tried to smash my way through the glass but it had no effect. I get only one meal a day, a surprisingly filling piece of plain bread, and a transparent pouch of water. Even though I leave the food trays and pouches on the floor, when the lights come back on they are gone. Obviously whoever is holding me here is taking them while I sleep.

Two male scientists wheeled a big flat screen in front of the glass and turned it on. It has been playing nothing but static. I can hear the the constant buzz of the TV through the PA. It’s horrible.

Day “4”

They never shut the light off, so I don’t know how long it’s been since my last entry, I don’t think it’s been a full day but close enough. I didn’t sleep much, with the light staying on and the TV static playing through the PA it made falling asleep almost impossible. I did manage to sleep a small amount however, my dreams flooded with horrible nightmarish visions of people being tortured and mutilated, people I didn’t know, screaming my name, telling me to help them. I never dreamt before in this place, but after the horrible nightmare, I hope I never do again.

The TV is no longer playing static. It’s now showing the contents of my nightmare… The horrible images of strangers being tortured and presumedly killed has been playing none stop for what seems like hours, their tortured screams, and their incessant calling of my name, is being broadcast through the PA. It’s agonizing, because even if I turn away from the TV I can still hear the horrors. How did these strangers know my name… who are they? why are they being tortured? And how the hell Is exactly what I dreamt about being played on this TV!

I’ve decided sleep is impossible. Between the light and the gruesome video being played, I know I won’t be sleeping. I never got a tray of food today either. I need to find a way out of here.

Day “5”

The video has stopped. It’s just static again… This feels worse, but that could be due to my lack of sleep. It feels like it’s been a hell of a lot longer than “5” days that i’ve been trapped in here, and same goes for my sleeplessness. The static is still going, and my mind feels empty, my head is pounding and my stomach is killing me.

Some men in lab coats came by and turned off the TV, they left it out there but at least they turned off that horrid noise. I don’t care that the light is on, I want to sleep.

I NEED to sleep.

Day “6”

I no longer have any real concept of time, for all I know I could have been here for 6 days, or 10. Hell, who knows. At least I was awoken nicely, to a very welcomed surprise, a steel tray with a whole sandwich, not the usual plain bread, a bottle of water, a bottle of pain killers, and a cat. That’s right, theres a f*****g orange cat in this cell with me. The TV and all the noises accompanied with it have been removed, in fact, the glass is all fogged over again.

The cat seems to like me, and I enjoy the company. I have no clue why it’s in here, but honestly I don’t know if I want the answer. I’ve only noticed it now, but there seems to be small, marble sized cameras all over this cell. The ceiling, the walls, my bed, the toilet, everywhere. God…I hope I’m not being broadcast to some sick website. I heard about red rooms in the deep web, rooms that people are put in, and filmed being tortured or whatever the audience wants….This seems too organized to be that…to professional.

I’m glad they left a cat in here with me…I feel like if I was left completely alone in here any longer I would have been in a lot worse shape. Talking to the cat helps me…cope, I guess you could call it. I don’t feel so alone, therefore don’t feel so insane with the cat in here.

Day “7”

They turned the light off finally! I don’t know what day it is anymore, but I’m going to go with my previous writings and just assume. The cat is extremely affectionate. I’m not sure if it’s getting food or using the bathroom though…That’s somewhat worrying.

A woman in a lab coat came by. She was nice, She actually spoke. I can’t remember exactly what she said but I know she was really kind, she used my name, and told me everything was going to be okay…Then…well, I don’t remember, I know she did something else but I can’t seem to remember what it was… It must not have been very important.

I remember now, she told me to hold still, that once it was over it was all going to be okay, then she pushed a syringe filled with dark red liquid into my arm. What the hell did she inject me with, and why couldn’t I remember. I don’t really remember much come to think of it…I know my name is Jacob, I used to live in an apartment before I was here…But everything else is kind of fuzzy…Like I don’t know my last name… What the f**k is going on.

Day “8”

I didn’t sleep last night. Even though they turned the lights off, my body never shut down. I spent most of the time struggling to remember details about myself that I should know. Like my last name, my family, my friends, hell anything about my life before this goddamn cell. Really…I only know what I have written down in this booklet.

The cat seems to want something, It’s been meowing a lot more than before. It’s really starting to annoy me. I wish I could get it want it wants so it would shut up…. I get it though…It probably just wants out, like me.

I’ve decided to name the cat Felix. It seems fitting.

Felix has finally stopped making so much noise, which is good, but I feel kind of strange…I don’t know how to explain it exactly but I feel angry. I should, I mean i’ve been trapped in here, for at least a week, but this anger, it feels different. I’m not angry at the scientists, I’m not angry at myself, i’m not angry at anything in particular, i’m just really upset. And I can’t shake the feeling. Usually I can calm myself down, I tell myself that I’ll be out soon, and everything will come back to me, that I’ll have my life back…Whatever that was exactly, but now, when I think like that it just seems to ignite this flame inside me. I want to scream, to cry, to throw myself at this glass to get myself out, or to get this rage out but I know that in reality that won’t do anything.

I’ve decided that imagining hurting the scientist is the best way to deal with this wrath that I feel inside myself. I’ve pictured beating up all the male scientists who’ve done nothing but watch. I’ve thought about tearing apart whoever comes in here next in the most sadistic of ways, using their own bones as knives to carve their flesh. I can see myself, in my mind, throwing the female scientist into the glass, and using it’s fallen shards to flay her.

Maybe I am going crazy….This isn’t right…what the f**k did I just write…This is so f****d up, I don’t remember writing all that s**t down, What is going on! I know I can feel this anger inside me, but it’s not like that, that’s inhuman… I feel sick….

Day “9”

Screaming helps.

I’ve screamed until my throat has gone dry.

No sound comes out anymore.

I was awake all night. I couldn’t sleep, the macabre rage fueled thoughts were back, I tried to push them away at first, but it was no use. I’ve accepted it now. I want to kill each and every last f*****g scientist in this building. Hell I want to kill every single other person in this building. Felix and I are going to get out, I don’t care how.

The glass won’t break.

No matter how hard I strike it, or how many times I throw myself against it.

My knuckles are bleeding, and my shoulders are bruised.

Felix has been meowing and hissing all day.

Maybe it’s because of all the screaming and flailing I’ve done, maybe he is hungry, who knows. All I know is it’s really f*****g annoying.

Day “10”

Oh god…Oh god…What have I done!

What the actual f**k…. There is blood everywhere…all over my hands and my clothes, all over the walls and the window. The f*****g window.

Painted on the window, In now dried blood are five letters.

F E L I X

F**k. F**k. F**K!

His body is in front of the window…I know it’s his body because underneath all the blood and gore is his orange fur. I must have thrown up twelve times, I feel light headed and I keep wrenching at the sight of all the blood.

How could I have done this…Why have I done this. I know I felt angry…but this…what the f**k… I’m scared now…Of myself mostly…I have these periods where I “black” out, I know what’s happening but It’s as if it’s not really happening to me, like I’m just a spectator.

I need to get out of here.

I feel so sick…Felix’s innards are everywhere…It looks like he was put through a blender. How could I have done this.

The only explanation I have, for both the memory loss as well as the graphic spouts of anger, and insanity is that syringe of red liquid that was injected into me. What the hell was that stuff…What the hell did it do to me.

I need to get out of here one way or another, I can’t talk due to all the screaming so no one is going to hear me… I guess there’s no other way…. If I use Felix’s bones… I could slit my wrists. At least I will be out. I don’t care about whatever life I had outside. I don’t care about anything anymore. Death is better than this cell. I feel like I don’t even know myself anymore. This booklet will be my note…If anyone finds this…I hope to god you’re not trapped in here like I was. And If you are, Don’t try to escape. You can’t get out. The things that happened in here, no matter how short of a time I was In for, are worse than death. so please, if you care about yourself at all, and you are trapped in this f*****g cell. Just end it. End it like I have.

Goodbye.

 

I will finally be free.

 

I’m sorry.