I Can Feel

I was never really the ‘Good Kid’ in the group. Really, I was anything but. It’s surprising how a single event could change how you perceive things in life. My whole life I’ve been dwelling on what’s happened in the past; I’ve never focused on the future. I was always being teased or bullied, and frankly, I had enough. It’s not like I got revenge, or I hurt anyone…I just ran away. I don’t remember the last time I felt emotion, the last time I felt happy. Even if It requires going through great measures just to feel again, I’d do it. Even so, I don’t think anyone would approve of my tactics. I’ve been living in the woods since that day, I haven’t had any friends or someone to talk to in what seemed to be years; I’ve lost track. Even if it may be me who’s suffering, there are a lot more people out there who have been through worse than I have. I don’t even know if what I did was my fault, or if it was someone else’s. I don’t really believe in a higher power, or God, or anything of that sort, so I couldn’t blame it on them. So, I let that weigh on my shoulders. I won’t go into too much detail, since It’s not all that important.

My feet were sprawled out in front of me, and I was resting against a tree. The setting sun was in my lifeless brown eyes, and I squinted as a reaction. I was too busy lost in my own thoughts to realize that I had been sitting for so long. Out of the corner of my eye, I could’ve sworn I seen something move. I drowsily move my head to my right, snap. Now, It was obvious. I stood up, brushing off my pants; wiping my eyes, etc. Then I seen her…A girl, who stood no taller than 4 feet, was staring straight at me…Or what seemed to be looking at me. Her face was covered with old bandages, they seemed worn and tattered. She didn’t speak, her head was raised to look at me…And suddenly she starts backing away. I couldn’t help but stare, she just seemed…Alluring, mysterious, maybe even entertaining. It seemed wrong of me to say that, there could’ve been something wrong with her. She turned on her heels; I followed. It was like I couldn’t control my own legs, they ached yet I kept following this alluring little girl with no features. Her ragged white shirt, basketball shorts seemed to be ever so slightly too big, It was odd. I was in a trance, following a faceless girl in the middle of the woods. Usually one would say, ‘You idiot, go back!’ or something like that, but I couldn’t stop. I couldn’t stop walking. Suddenly, she stopped, she pointed, and she disappeared. I was too confused as to how she just, ‘poofed.’ but I tossed the thought aside, she pointed, to what? I turned my head to the right ever so slightly, my eyes catching a glimpse of the murderous sight. I gulped, stumbling back a bit, I hit a tree, my eyes widening in fright. There were several people gathered around, their wrapped faces only leaving their mouth visible. A body, someone who seemed to be my age, no older than 20 lay lifeless next to them…They were eating this poor person alive, yet here I am, entranced by the sight. I couldn’t look away, I couldn’t help but to feel excited, I couldn’t help but feel my mouth water, the smell of decomposition and rotting bodies filled my nose and I couldn’t help but shiver. This is what happened before…I remember this.

“Alex sweety, do you know where Dexter is?” My mother walked outside, I was sitting next to Dexter, he was barely breathing, my mouth covered by blood. My brown lifeless eyes just stared at her, and she called for my father, cowering back as she did. “What’s wrong honey?” He gaped at me, my hands, my legs, my mouth and clothes covered by our beloved dogs flesh and blood. I was only playing with him, right? I didn’t do anything bad. My father pulled me away from Dexter, my mother following close behind and held the almost lifeless dog in her arms, she sobbed and cried and held onto him like he was her life force. My father was at a loss for words as he let go of my small body. They called someone over, saying I was going to go away for a while. I didn’t want to, I cried saying it wasnt my fault, but I knew it was. The way he tasted; the way the metallic blood filled my mouth was beyond what my 10-year-old vocabulary could describe. I was sent to a hospital, they poked me with needles and tied me up sometimes. Saying that I belonged to them, and only them. Once I was old enough to understand why my parents sent me away, I was in denial, I didn’t believe them nor did I want to believe them. But, it was true. 

Here I stand, surrounded by faceless people, their hands caressing my body and whispering sweet nothings in my ear as they drag me towards a table. I wasn’t aware of where I was, I wasn’t in the woods anymore, but in a dimly lit room. All I could see was a table, that metal table with old ragged straps. They forcibly lay me there, and I let them. They began trapping down my lips and head, the cold feeling of the table made my body shiver. I glanced around, unable to move my head, and there she is. The little girl who brought me here in the first place. I was forcibly brought out of my thoughts when I felt a piercing pain in my thigh, I tried to lift my head but I couldn’t, I tried to arch my back but I couldn’t, all I could hear were my screams of pain as I felt knifes dig deep into my skin. I cried, but I didn’t beg for help. Salty tears ran down my face, and sobs came out of my throat involuntarily. The pain was too much; I passed out.

Once I was awake, I was staring right back at myself. I could see, yet my face was covered in wraps, my skin was no longer what it was, it had a greyish tint, like I wasn’t alive, Like I was dead. I couldn’t believe what was happening, I heard skin hitting the concrete floor, and there she was, once again. “You got what you wanted right? You can feel again, aren’t you happy?” She walked up to me, sitting herself on my lap, “You’ll take good care of me, forever, right?” I let out an involuntary laugh, I had never leaving out a laugh like that in my life…I was crazy, I didn’t feel anything but blood lust and hunger. “I can finally feel.”