Blackhood Manor

I lie in the mansion, trapped. What was I thinking, walking in here. My skin feels like an icicle, and my cheeks look like two roses. I think back on my actions.


I look up at the mansion. “This is the place!” It seems so spooky, but I did win it in a contest after all, so I might as well take a look. I use the knocker onto the front door. Nobody answers. I decide to just walk in. I turn back around to close the door, but it was already closed and locked when I saw it. Weird, I thought.

“Hello?! Is anybody home?”

Shhh…” a mysterious voice replied.

I decide it was correct. I’m all alone right now anyway…? Right?

I walk into the kitchen. Though only knives lie in the drawer. A cutting board on the counter has a knife on it, what looks like red fruit splattered across it. I wouldn’t know, though. Too dark.

I walk in the living area. The television illuminates the room, the screen says in red static, HELP ME.

I ignore it. I walk past and step up the spiral staircase. On this floor, I look in the bathroom first, only to see a set of shaving razors and a pair of scissors, which lie in top of a treasure chest. I decide to walk in and open it. No luck. I exit and go to the bedroom. There, I find some magazines in the drawer.

I walk out and go to the end of the hall. This was the last room I had interest in. It was locked. I decide to go back to the chest in the bathroom. I grab a bobby pin from the drawer. When the lock was picked, the chest fell off the counter. The pair of razors cut my arm open, slicing a serious wound. “Gah….”

I open the cabinet, but there was only a bottle of champagne and some more knives. No witch-hazel or bandages. “S**t!”


I had forgotten.

I bend down to open the chest. There is four things in it. A knife (saw it coming), a necklace, a key, and a note that says, ‘To the next finder of this mansion: Leave now, never come back. There is a (illegible) beast here. The house is (illegible). If the door is locked, use the key to unlock the door at the end of the (illegible). There is (illegible) and a rope to help you escape. Hurry. YOU WILL DIE–‘

I run to the locked door, but the key won’t work. Then, I remember the last part of the note… I look at the knife in my hand. I decide it is best to sleep. I go to the bedroom and lie down on the bed.

The next morning

Here we are now. I decide it’s for the best not to wait. I just stick the knife in my skull and stability my sides. Before I die, I feel another pain split in my heart.

“Shhh… Nighty night, dead man…”

  • Simon

    Oh wow, the new Luigi’s Mansion has taken quite the ludicrously nonsensical path indeed…