Arbatian Mental Institution Ch.14 End

Lola is in shock as the demon stays bent down on one knee, his right hand extended in a gentle manner as if he was asking for hers.

“Princess?” Her mind was in a million places at that moment. She was ready for death, she was ready for anything else, this took her by surprise. The demon stands up, his eyes sealed shut with hard rusted barbwire.

“It seems your memory has been altered. I am Delkatov, your personal bodyguard. And you are the princess, we’ve all been looking for you.”

“The princess of what?”

“Of Hell, my dear.”

Lola gets a head rush and feels faint. She falls sideways onto the bed as Delkatov gently reaches out catching her in his arm. Other demons begin to crowd in the entrance, all of them bathed in blood and entrails.

“Princess, let me show you. It will all make sense to you, please.” He places his palm across her forehead.

Her vision blurs as lights in hyper speed blind past her sight. Everything looks cloudy for a moment, the picture becomes clearer and the sight of a pregnant woman is being chased through woods. She falls on her back and reaches up begging for mercy.

A man and woman walk up and mumble something Lola can’t understand. The woman looks familiar. The man pulls out a cross and a book, the woman begins to chant throwing some kind of herb on the pregnant woman.

The pregnant woman screams and lays flat on the dirt, she holds her stomach crying. Wind begins to pick up and howl through the leaves, Lola feels as if she’s actually there.

The pregnant woman trembles as she goes into labor. Her eyes widen while transitioning into a darker color, into a pure black. She screams in a language Lola can’t understand, the woman tosses more herbs on her. The man reads lines from a book, the pregnant woman arches her back. Her body writhes in pain then suddenly collapses on the floor.

The couple stare at her and begin to walk off when they hear an infant’s cry. They turn and see a baby crying on the dirt just underneath her dress. The woods grow loud with rustling and growling, the mom picks the baby up and runs with the dad.

Lola feels sick to her stomach, things slowly come together like a jigsaw puzzle. Lola’s real mom was killed by the woman who raised her.

Things flash forward to Lola seeing demons, telling her mom about them. She remembers her advice about drawing them. At night her mother sneaks in grabbing the pictures and pricking her finger with a needle, she dabs a spot of blood on the photo trapping the demons.

Things forward once more to the night she was outside her room banging on the door as her mother screamed. A man bent over slashes her with a blade in a blood frenzy, he stands up and turns toward the door. Lola’s heart stops when she sees his face. The lover she called Kiel.

He begins to walk towards the door hearing a cry from the other side when a demon flies in through the window. Terrified, Kiel jumps through a neighboring window. Landing on a balcony he runs to jump off and trips slamming his head against a rock upon his landing. He stumbles to his feet too scared to think about his injury and continues to run.

Cops find him a day later wandering down a road with no memory, he was completely unaware that he was wanted for the murder of eleven women. His lawyer convinced him to plead insanity although he knew nothing of what was going on. Even up to his first day at the asylum everything before was a blur.

Lola opens her eyes gasping for air. She sits up and begins to throw up. Delkatov pats her back as she wipes the drool and vomit from her mouth.

“I’m so confused, Kiel was a killer? Who was my real mom, and why was she murdered? Who am I?”

“Your mother carried the seed of the dark master. You are his daughter, the princess of Hell. Your foster mother was trying to do an exorcism with her husband. Your real mother died in the process, but you lived. They didn’t have the heart to kill an infant. So they took you in, raised you as their own. Your ‘mother’ was a demon hunter. Your ‘father’ never died in a car accident like she told you. He’s still alive, still hunting our kind. They knew how to trap us and knew we were getting close, they tricked you Lola. You weren’t just giving us names you thought of, you knew it in your soul, it’s why it came so easy to you. We’re here to save you. Now please, come. We mustn’t waste time.”

“I loved him..why? How?”

“He had an unforseen evil in him such as you do, it attracted you to him. Come princess.”

Lola looks around the room she called home for so long, she didn’t know what to think and found this all hard to believe. She stands up and walks out of her room. Demons of all sizes and sorts out in the lobby and hallway take a knee with their heads bowing down.

Lola stares at the mass of demons and looks over to Delkatov. “Where are we going?”

Delkatov holds his head up and whispers, “Home, to prepare princess.

“Prepare for what?” She asks still in shock.

He looks down at her. “We’ve been urgent to find you before it starts, Heaven has declared war.”

  • Evan Blackledge

    No no no. You can’t end it like THAT! I need them to WAR! KIEL IS IN HELL, GUARANTEED. HE WOULD GLADLY FIGHT WITH THEM. GIL NEEDS TO FIGHT TOOOOOOOO. What am I saying, you may end your story however you like. But if I may request the War, I would enjoy it. As would the rest of the creepypasta community. Thank you Ray!

    • Ray Ramirez

      I’m already on it brother I wasn’t just gonna end it like that, I got plenty of ideas for the war and certain scenes for the book. When I start posting it it’ll be called Detective, just a heads up if you’re looking out for it 🙂 and Gil and Kiel will make an appearance. No need to thank me s**t thank YOU ALL for reading this!

      • Evan Blackledge

        You are the absolute best. I cannot wait. I’m absolutely going to keep my eyes peeled for it. And maybe start writing my own creepypastas.

        • Ray Ramirez

          Thank you so much! And if you do let me know I wanna read em

  • Audra Hawthorne

    No no no no no no no no no no. You cant just leave it like that, that leaves it open for a WHOLE NEW series…….

    • Ray Ramirez

      I’m already on it my friend, this is what I’ve been working up to but wanted to finish the first 3 books. First one and third one aren’t too important or necessary to read for the 4th one to make sense, it basically just shows backgrounds of couple characters. This one was the one I really wanted to finish to explain Lola’s story.

      • Audra Hawthorne

        Trials of a Dark Princess.. love that idea 💖💖

        • Ray Ramirez

          Thank you for reading these, I’m glad you liked the series. More will come soon I promise.

  • EmoJesus

    Nooo please keep making more stories this sounds soon interesting I love this

    • Ray Ramirez

      More will come eventually I promise

  • Harry

    Great story. Kept me waiting for the next part everyday! Awesome job.

    • Ray Ramirez

      Thank you!

  • Nathan99

    YO MAKE A PART ABOUT THE WAR BETWEEN HEAVEN AND HELL THAT WOULD BE THE BEST SERIES ON CREEPY PASTA

    • Ray Ramirez

      Haha I am in it I promise

  • Andrew

    You’re an amazing writer, but you definitely need to make a series about the war between heaven and hell

    • Ray Ramirez

      Already working on it just got stuck on it for a while but got more ideas for it lately

  • Ray Ramirez

    Okay I mentioned before that this was part 2 out of 4 books, the fourth book I’m working on is called Detective which focuses on the war between heaven and hell happening on earth. In which Lola makes an appearance with her army, Gil and Kiel also make an appearance. I normally don’t do spoilers but her baby she lost will also be in it, but being a pure being when it wad killed will be on the opposite side of the war causing even more conflict. I’m barely on chapter 2 of it so give me time and I will post it eventually. Sorry to leave everyone on such a cliffhanger, but it’s what I do lol

  • Anita Hardin

    Holy s**t dude, I’m dizzy from all those plot twists! Absolutely incredible cliffhanger ending, and I can’t wait for your next series to continue on about the war between Heaven and Hell! Please post it as fast as you can! You are such an amazing writer and I just can’t get enough of your work. I read your stories “Him” and “Break In” as well, do you have any other works I can read on here to keep me satisfied until you get your next series published?

    • Ray Ramirez

      Thank you for reading all this crap lol can’t believe how well received this series was! I’ll post em quick as I can but it won’t be as fast as this one cause I still have to think of how it unfolds and where to add certain characters. It’s gonna take a while, I posted “Christmas” and “An Unusual Request”, that was my first one I submit. I planned on submitting “Sinners And Saints”, it’s a short story where an angel finds out his wife passed and went to Hell instead so he breaks in and fights his way to her to save her. That’s actually what inspired that last book I had fun writing that one and wanted to make it into a book.

      • Anita Hardin

        Oh yeah, I read “An Unusual Request” but I didn’t know it was written by you lol
        I don’t think I’ve read “Christmas” yet, but I’m about to now. You really are an amazing writer and I hope you keep posting your work on here for a long time because I just can’t get enough! It would be awesome if the AMI series was made into a movie, and I would be first in line to see it if it was! Keep on being awesome, and good luck with your Detective series, I can’t wait to read it!

        • Ray Ramirez

          Thank you I’ll post more when I can, and that I would love to see! Thank you again hope to hear your thoughts on another story soon 🙂

  • Tyler Willoughby

    What a perfect story, man. You are talented to say the least. Keep at it 😊

    • Ray Ramirez

      Thank you so much

  • Stephen Harrell

    Would soooooo read anything else you write man. 10/10

    • Ray Ramirez

      Thank you! I’ve posted 4 other shorts on here

  • nia m

    PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DO A SECOND PART LIKE A “BOOK 2” IM YOUR BIGGEST FAN

    • Ray Ramirez

      Thank you so much! I’m working on it, it’ll be called Detective. It’s gonna start off a little slow but Lola’s second half of her story will be in it along with Kiel Gil and other characters.

    • Ray Ramirez

      Hey I was looking at these and thought I’d mention I’m making a prequel to AMI. It’s called AMI 2, I just submit the second chapter, the first is already on here. Didn’t plan on it but since so many people seemed to enjoy this I thought I’d make another one of it.

  • Lolalao

    Excellent!!! Looking forward to Detective!

    • Ray Ramirez

      Thanks!

      • Lolalao

        You’re welcome!

  • Amber Izer

    Wow. Still couldn’t predict any of this. I love how you kept kiel’s true crimes a mystery until now. That was amazing. You left it open for more. And I’m glad you are going to make the next part. Yay crack. Lol jk. But I agree with some of the others, I’d read anything you post.

    • Ray Ramirez

      Thank you for reading all of these I’m glad you liked em so much, I’m gonna start working on Detective soon. Needa think of the main storyline and whatnot.

      • Amber Izer

        Take your time. Don’t rush. We wouldn’t want you to make mistakes. We will all be here waiting. Lol in the mean time maybe you can throw short stories our way to help with the withdraws. Lol (eye twitch)

        • Ray Ramirez

          Thanks for being patient I don’t wanna make it sloppy by rushing, I’m gonna submit Sinners And Saints tonight

  • Claytone

    What are your other creepy pastas

    • Ray Ramirez

      Break In, Sinners And Saints, An Unusual Request, Christmas, Him, and I submit Oz Part One but hasn’t posted yet

  • Metal_Head_The_Fangirl_ 8123

    My brain is connecting this to supernatural

    • Ray Ramirez

      That’s a great show

  • Skippy .Bob

    I was curious why this series was so highly rated, and to be honest, after reading it, I still am. On the positive side, you’ve got some fully fleshed out characters whose actions make sense for the situations in which they find themselves. Your overall narrative is creative and ambitious, and there are parts that are a lot of fun to read. Some really good things can be said about this story, but I’m not going to dwell too much on that aspect because most of the other commenters have already done so.

    So why am I commenting? Because on a technical level, your writing skills are absolutely atrocious. I mean, they’re really, really bad. Like… awful.

    “But Skippy,” you say, “everybody likes it!”

    Yeah, you seem to have found a select group of people who don’t seem to mind all the abrupt tense changes, sentence fragments, and nonsensical sentences that litter this story. Luckily for you, they can read past all of that and focus on the meat of what you’ve written. Unfortunately for you, not all readers are going to be as forgiving as this group here.

    Here’s the thing, if you want to reach a broader audience, you need to start caring about the technical aspects of your writing. I was actually going to do a breakdown of some of what you’ve written and show examples, but this story is so far gone that the task is simply overwhelming. However, to give you a general idea of what to look for, here are some of the major technical problems with this story (I’m taking all chapters into consideration):

    -There are tense switches from present to past and back again.
    -Use commas more liberally. For the longer sentences, sometimes you need to give the reader a chance to mentally pause before they move on to the next idea. On the other end of the sentence spectrum, a lot of your shorter sentences can be combined with one another by using commas.
    -Pay attention to your sentence fragments. Sometimes you put periods where you should’ve put commas.
    -Not all of your sentences make sense. I think, in the rush to get this out, you neglected the proofreading process. It’s better to let your writing sit for a few days, and then go back and reread it. You’ll find all sorts of errors that you would’ve missed otherwise.
    -You format dialogue incorrectly (hint: STOP putting commas after quotation marks – it’s actually a bit ironic that you put in so many unnecessary commas when they’re so badly needed in other parts of your story.)
    -There’s more too, but they’re mostly stylistic failings, and those are hard to point out without going through the story sentence by sentence.

    Sorry if I’m coming across kind of harsh, but somebody had to tell you. Just know that I wouldn’t have wasted my time commenting if I didn’t think that you showed some promise. I myself am far from being a perfect writer and I don’t mean to present myself as such. Just chalk this up as (hopefully) helpful criticism, and not the ramblings of some anonymous internet hater.

    • Ray Ramirez

      I’m not mad I appreciate the honesty, I do need to work on my writing. But thank you for your opinion.

      • Skippy

        And to be clear, I liked the story. I think that once you improve upon your basic skill set you’ll be unstoppable. 🙂

        • Ray Ramirez

          Thank you 🙂

  • Konner

    Aw, hell, man, the Rapture :/ WAIT WHAT AMI SAYING? That’s it! JASPER, HERE I COME!

    • Ray Ramirez

      Haha