Phil Jeffinson

I was getting ready for a field trip with my school. I felt very excited back then but after what happened on this field trip I never want to go on one again. We came to the hotel like we should’ve and everything went great. After I took all the stuff from the bus I was ready to get into my room. I ran very fast so I can get there as soon as possible. While I was running I crashed into a very tall man. I only saw him from behind. He wore a red shirt, blue jeans and brown shoes. His head was shaped like a leaf. He hasn’t turned around, he only said, “Sorry about that, my thoughts made me stand still.” I didn’t understand him.

Finally bedtime has come, I was very tired from my trip. I slept nicely until somewhere around midnight when I heard something in the hallway. I tried to ignore it but it was just too loud. Finally the sounds stopped. Around 2 AM I woke up and realized that I’m lying on the floor, I was cold. Just as I was about to stand up the door opened. It was the man I crashed into earlier that day. I asked him if he needed help but he didn’t answer. What happened after that made me lose my breath for a moment.

I saw his face. He had no mouth, he was completely bald. The only thing I saw on his face were big red eyes. Those eyes didn’t look like ordinary eyes. They looked like ping pong balls. I tried to move my hand but he said, “Don’t move a muscle.” It was like he knew all of the moves I was about to do. Suddenly I fell asleep. In the exact same pose as looking at him. My teacher asked me what happened but I was completely unable to talk. Once I got home I got into my bed trying to relax.

Ten years later I moved into my new home to start a family and a brand new life. It was night and I was about to go to sleep but before that I watched the news and he was there: “Another case of children being found in strange positions in the morning in Hotel Rod. But this time we actually have a picture of the one causing these crimes. The child who took the picture was found dead. The only info we have about this mysterious man is his name: Phill Jeffinson.”

  • Psynderis

    I hope you don’t take offense to what I’m about to say. The concept of your story is intriguing, but the way it’s written is very dry. I think this could be a great story if you try changing up your words some, adding some imagery, and working on your transitions a bit.