The Breakup

Author’s note:

This is the first story I am publishing. If you enjoy it I would greatly appreciate feedback on what i could do better in my next story and what i should keep doing. I do not consider myself a good author as I mainly write these types of stories as a hobby. I hope to hear back from as many of you as possible and continue writing these stories for your entertainment. Anyways, enjoy the story! ☺

 

3 years we’ve been together. Ever since our junior year of high school. Now hear we are at Per Se, one of the fanciest restaurants in NYC. I knew tonight was the night he would purpose. “Sylvia,” he said, ”we have been together for 3 years now.” “I know,” I said, “It’s almost too hard to believe!” After I said that, his expression changed to a sad almost sorrowful face.

“Sylvia, I’m breaking up with you,” he said in a low saddening tone.

“What? Why, Zach? We were so good together! What did I do?”

“Nothing, it’s just that you have gotten a little clingy lately, and I am not comfortable with that.”

Two days had passed before I saw him again. He was with some girl  on the street while waiting for the bus. She had short, blonde hair, a sleeve tattoo, and big, blue eyes. I knew I shouldn’t have listened in on their conversation, but I could not resist. I soon found myself tucked into a tight, dark alley close to where they were sitting. “Can you believe it has been almost ONE YEAR!” said the blonde girl in an excited tone. What did she mean by one year? I thought to myself. “I sure can Claire!” Zach said, ”I mean, you are the best girlfriend a guy could ask for!”

I was shocked. The man I loved for 3 years, was cheating on me. I had so many questions running through my head it was starting to hurt. What did I do wrong?  How could he have done this? Should I do anything? Yes, I thought. She stole him from me, so she must pay. I decided to go home for the night. I needed rest for what was to come.

So now here I am. In some old, filthy, abandoned warehouse with the girl who Zach was cheating on me with for a year. I stripped her down to her underwear and chained her to a large wall with hooks hanging out. I then gagged her, to prevent her from screaming. My tools lay on a large rectangular table next to me. I am going to make her suffer for stealing Zach from me. Then once she is out of the way, Zach, can be mine once again.

It was another hour before she woke up. She panicked in shock, trying to break free of the chains. “Hello, Claire. You don’t know me do you,” I asked, calmly. She was still freaking out when I asked, but she cowardly shook of her head. “I am the girl, Zach, had before you stole him from me.”

I scanned the table, trying to decide how to start. I decided on the scalpel, picking it up from the near end of the table. I then inspected it to make sure it was still sharp. “You see, Claire, I don’t like thieves,” I said excitedly. “You however, are the worst kind of thief.” I slashed the scalpel across her thigh and stomach. Blooded started running down her body. Deep and red, almost beautiful. She writhed in pain as I continued to cut her. Like it’s trying to make up for he sin.

It feels right, no amazing to do this to her. I put the scalpel back on the table after cutting her with it a little more. I could tell she was in pain, but that was not enough. I wanted her to suffer. I scanned through the tools a second time, looking for what would inflict the most damage. I settled on the jumper cables and hooked them up to generator providing power to the lights. Now is the time for fun.

It was around 3a.m. when I decided to end her. Her body was covered in blood. Cuts covered her body with burn marks on her breasts from the jumper cables. Her hair was now red with blood. Her small and large intestines were hanging from a gash in the middle of her torso. I had also decided to cut off an eyebrow and shatter her knees out of spite. Overall she looked like she had been dragged from hell itself. I decided to burn her remains and dump them in the bay. This way no one can find her.

The next day I saw Zach waiting for the bus.  Feeling excited, I ran over to him waiving. “Hey, Zach! What’s up,” I said, almost ecstatic. “Nothing much. Just waiting for a friend,” he said, seeming bored.

”You mean, Claire? She is not coming. In fact, you don’t need to worry at all about her anymore.”

“What are you talking about Sylvia? Why isn’t she coming,” he asked in an almost panicked tone.

“All you need to know, Zach, is that you’re mine now.”

“Sylvia, what did you do to, Claire?”

I could tell he was panicked now. His face was red with worry. “I made her go away. It was so we could be together! She was not right for you anyway, and thieves deserve to die!” That was it. He was in a full-on panic now. Soon enough people would ask questions. Luckily I packed a dose of rophynol just in case this happened. I forced it down his throat and carried him back to my apartment. He did not weigh a ton, but it was still a struggle.

Once we got there, I stripped him of his clothes and chained him to my bed. No need for him to have clothes now, right? He was well built, tall, long black hair. All were reasons I loved him. It took a few hours for the rophynol to weir off. Once he woke up, he freaked out. He started screaming and panicking.

“YOU F*****G CREEP! Let me out of here,” Zach screamed in rage. “What’s wrong, Zach? We’re together again. Don’t you love me,” I asked in a low, sad tone. “NO!” he screamed. “You’re a sadistic psychopath who kidnaps and drugs people! Why would I love you?”

It hurt hearing him say that. I did not know what to think. I had done so much, so we could stay together. I could see him trembling, scared of what might come next. “If that is how you feel, Zach. I guess I should reunite you and, Claire,” I said in a sad tone. I looked around for my knives, looking at each one. I decided to use my kukri, large and deadly. It was more than enough to end him quickly. With one quick, precise motion, his throat was cut clean open. Blood gushed out from the wound, spilling on the floor. Out of shear spite I cut a wound in his stomach, pulled out his innards, and shoved them in the wound I just previously made.

It did not take much longer for him to bleed out. After he died I took a few minutes to think. Why did this have to happen? What did I do to cause this? Question flew through my mind as to how this could have ended. I decided to cut his body into 14 parts, and dump his body in the East River. I did keep one of his eyes, however. Just to remember him by.

“Who is that,” asked a guard, pointing to a girl in the PSR. She had long, black hair, brown eyes, glasses, and was wearing a strait jacket. “That would be, Sylvia Grace. She killed 28 people out of rage because her boyfriend dumped her. They say she cut up his body and threw it into the East River,” said the head guard. “She is going to be in here until the end of her days.” She turned around and laughed. It was almost disturbing and unnatural.

“Why is she laughing? Did she hear us,” asked the lower ranking guard curiously. “I don’t know.

She…” There was a large boom and the wall collapsed. “Sorry boys, but I am not staying in here,” said Sylvia, laughing.

  • Logan Halverson

    I think that was good keep it up

  • Patrick Lavoie

    I think you’ve tried to rush the thing a little too much you have the materiel to write at least a novel but compressed it in a few lines. I’m not sure about the end but you’re the author and peraps i’ve lost a part of the story. Don’t forget that we are not in your head you have to express everything that your brain picture and review your text before sending it i’m french and I’ve found typo in your first line. If not good job continue to write it is a good art.

  • Adam Smith

    Writing takes time and effort. It is a little like raising a child 🙂 It was a good premise, albeit the ending seemed rushed. Also, a few typos, but nothing severe. Keep it up!

  • Mr. Puppeteer

    Eh, sorta’ve cliché, psycho ex girlfriend, I didn’t like this at all.

  • Seba Bacchetta (JSBAMG)

    Its a pretty good story, you just rushed on some parts. For example when the girls were in the warehouse how did the blonde girl go unconsious?? Rufees, hit to the head? Some parts were alittle rushed and you forgot some details is all. But other than that you made a great story especially if its your first time!

  • Jaime Deane Motter

    I loved your story keep up the good work

  • Vanessa sager

    Pretty awesome! I would​ love to read more stories on her

  • Vanessa sager

    How?

  • Saryn Prime

    Since there is a note for feedback any errors i think should be listed i will put here. Alot of creepyp have mistakes some more than others. I am unsure of this is on purpose to add effect or just to get the story out quicker.

    (scene at the warehouse)
    “it feels right, no amazing” should there be a comma after the no? This made me have the read the line multiple times to get the right meaning.

    After alot of background information there was a big skip between seeing “claire” and the warehouse part. If time didnt allow detail into how the kidnapping happened then I would say write less about the background info and more about the action because a big buildup would require more expansions in the story and a big skip makes it like there is alot of missing action.

    Some plot lines that dont add up like having the sleep drug incase people started asking questions. I felt the speaker was too straightforward in that conversation with the exbf. If it was instead hinting at the crazy or suggesting crazy i think it would be more sinister and creepy.

    This guy persona im presuming is quite strong and can fend for himself. It felt unrealistic that the speaker managed to quite simply forcefully make him swallow drugs, maybe a further detail on this part on how it happened.

  • KoreanLotion

    This was awesome