Sarah’s Story

Sarah Maxine Kauffman. Sarah was a normal girl, She was a cheerleader and she was decently popular. She was the happiest girl in the whole school, until her senior year of High School.

She came to school and talked with her friends and ended up screaming at them. They flinched as she stormed away from them, fuming. Only those two girls know what the conversation was about. From then on Sarah was very closed off and angry all the time. Rumors started flying around the school.

“Maybe her parents got divorced.”

“I wonder if she does drugs?”

“Maybe her and Tray broke up?”

Tray was her boyfriend. He said that she had broken up with him on the last Friday of Summer. Her parents weren’t divorced. She didn’t do drugs. But one thing was for sure. Something was wrong with Sarah Kauffman.

One day in Mrs. Ware’s English class, Tray decided to try and have a conversation with Sarah. Sarah looked up at him while he was in the middle of a sentence and smiled. Everyone was paying attention to the conversation, even Mrs. Ware.

Sarah leaned in and whispered something in his ear. When she sat back in her seat, Tray’s face was stuck in utter disgust.

“What the Hell is wrong with you?!” he exclaimed. Sarah started laughing, she didn’t stop so she had to leave the room and go down to the office.

The next day she was found dead in her home. She had strangulation marks around her neck, and her mouth was filled with runny, black liquid. Her arm was broken, twisted all the way around. Her index finger was missing. The police had no idea what had happened to her. Murder? Accident? It was never solved as a murder, even though everyone suspected it of such, so they closed it as an accident.

Her parents moved out-of-town two weeks after it was ruled. Tray was unsettled for weeks after her death, everyone figured it was because he still loved her. No one thought it would be because of what she said.

Tray came to school one day and was shaking the whole day. He had a breakdown in 5th period, Mrs. Ware’s class yet again. He just looked at the spot they had been sitting the day before she died, when she whispered to Tray.

He revealed what she had whispered to him, he stood on her chair and screamed out, “She told me her secret! She said to me that it was her fault. She killed her younger brother! she did it because the man told her to,” he started crying and Mrs. Ware’s made him leave. He left school and never came back. From reports everywhere he was sent to a mental institution and went crazy.

The police looked into his accusation. Apparently Sarah had a younger brother, no older than 2. She murdered him and no one ever found out, until now anyway.

They found strange messages between Sarah and some man named “THE DISAPPEARING MAN”. He was threatening her online, he said that, “Because she had read his story, she would be held to the same standards as the girl in the story.”

Sarah had assumed it was a joke, until he started actually manipulating her mind. He told her she needed to kill someone she loved more than anything in the world. He threatened to kill her whole family if she didn’t kill someone she loved. She had to choose, so she chose her little baby brother. Her family was even more devastated after hearing she had done this to their baby boy.

The police opened her case again, looking for whoever “THE DISAPPEARING MAN” could have been. They had only wondered one thing, if she went through with what he asked, why was the Sarah dead? The case was leaked, everyone knew what was going on. So rumors started flying that maybe she didn’t love her brother. Maybe whoever the mysterious man didn’t care if she followed his instructions. They never found her killer. They never would catch The Disappearing Man. He is not human. He is uncatchable.



  • Strawberry Seeds

    This story is very off.

    There is no literary devices to be found anywhere in this story. There’s no build up or foreshadowing to know what is happening.

    Everything happens too quickly with no explanation. I would work on your pacing if I were you.

    As for the story…why did Sarah whisper that she killed her brother to Tray? Why did she choose to kill her brother? Why didn’t she go to the police instead of doing what the man said? Why did she laugh about killing her brother?

    There’s just so many things that are wrong here and the story is not even scary. This story seems more suited for tragedy than a horror.

    I would also suggest to change Disappearing Man, he sounds like a super hero rather than a guy who blackmails kids.

    Anyways, happy writing.

    • ChloeNoel56

      Hi Strawberry Seeds! I’m very sorry you felt this way! Thank you for the Constructive criticism though!
      Just to answer a few of your questions,
      1.) She whispered to Tray the day she snapped. It was just kind of meant to be timed perfectly in the story. 2.) She chooses to kill her brother for a few reasons. |.) She Didn’t have as much as a connection with him as he was still young, so she figured that it would not affect her as much. which proved incorrect. ||.) She was thinking of how young he was. She didn’t want to kill someone older in her family that she new better. She didn’t want him growing up thinking that she was crazy. in a sense she didn’t want him to have to deal with her at all. 3.) She chose not to go to the police for two reasons. |.) She was scared they would think she was crazy and ||.) She had already started a slow spiral into madness. Practically at that point all common sense had left her brain 4.) it was not meant to be looked at as a happy laugh. It was meant as one of those “Oh my God this girl is Crazy” Kind of laugh to hit home that she was not Sarah Kauffman anymore. I’m Sorry you didn’t find the story creepy or unnerving, this is one of my first attempts at a creepy pasta. I will admit the story was very rushed, i was just very excited to get some of my work out into the world. And to mention the change of “THE DISAPPEARING MAN”‘s name, I feel as if it is at least mildly suitable. The whole point of the end is that they would never catch him. He is impossible to catch because he is the disappearing man. Thank you for your time and allowing me to explain a little. If you have other questions, feel free to ask.

  • ShYgUy

    You had something here. Your presentation was off. Pacing is key. It seemed rushed. The idea was creative. You just need to sit down and tell this as if it were a movie. What are we watching? Explain it vividly. Still though. I liked where you were heading. Keep it up. Thanks for sharing.

    • ChloeNoel56

      Hello! Thank you so much for the Constructive Criticism. This is my first published work and it was indeed very rushed. I was very excited to get it put on the internet! I really liked the way you explained it. “As if it were a movie.” I will for sure keep that in mind when writing my next story! Thank you so much!

  • Chaiya Monroe

    I was actually intrigued by this story, it has potential but you do need to work on your pacing more.