Raphael Jones Miller sat crying over a grave, she felt her mother’s warm hand on her shoulder. Raphael was only five when her father died, but she still remembers seeing his bloody corpse like it was yesterday and it’s been ten years since she saw it.
“Mom… Why did Dad die?” she asked.
“Honey, for the millionth time I don’t know, I’m just as surprised.”
Raphael continued sobbing over her father’s grave.
“Sweetheart,” her mother began, “I know this is devastating for you, for us, but we have to get home now.”
Raphael took one last look at the gravestone and followed her mother back to the car. Her face was wet with tears, Raphael’s father was her best friend, her only friend and now he’s gone, forever. On their way home her mother said, “Tonight’s a school night, you need to take your pills.”
“Okay mom…” she replied. Raphael needs to take pills to keep her sane, something terrible could happen if she went a day without taking them, but every time Raphael would a voice would tell her not to, sometimes a female sometimes a male they were very demanding.
“Mom, why do I take pills?” Raphael asked
“Did you run into a wall today? Because you have Ittei no Itami Syndrome, you feel pain every second of the day and it won’t stop, and the last time I recall, you knocked a boy out before you took your meds, you said something about voices telling you to kill? Whatever Raphael,” her mother replied
Raphael heard someone, but this time it sounded like her Dad.
‘Don’t listen to your mother, she’s lying. Don’t take your pills. You never knocked anyone out.’
Raphael ignored the voice. At last, they were finally home, Raphael walked upstairs to her room, her pills were on a high shelf above her bed. She grabbed it, then walked back downstairs to the kitchen, still holding the medication she was about to pick up a cup, but her mother stopped her in the act.
“Take out the trash, okay?” said her mother.
“Fine!” she groaned.
Walking over to the trash she realized the bottle was still in her hand so she placed it on a nearby counter then took out the trash.
“Glad that’s over,” she said as she walked to the counter.
She opened the bottle, “Where’re the pills?” she asked, “Dang it!”
Raphael didn’t want to tell her mother, something didn’t feel right about telling her. Like she might freak out or even worse, so she slowly walked upstairs, and to her room to rest.
“Raphael time for school!” she heard her mother yell, Raphael got up, still half asleep and wondered into her closet, she threw on a black turtle neck, ripped jeans with a black belt, and Converse.
“Mom I’m ready!” she yawned as she came into the living room.
“Did you take your pills?” her mother asked.
“Yes,” she lied.
“Oh, honey your shoe… oh never mind just get in the car.” Raphael got into the car feeling like she was gonna vomit her own organs out.
Finally, they pulled up at school. Raphael started to feel like her stomach was filled with needles, and her head was being pounded with a hammer. Her nose was stuffy and her legs felt as if someone cut them open revealing the muscle which was being stabbed. She moaned as she stepped out of the car and walked up into the school. After her teacher’s long lesson the bell rang for lunch, a couple of kids sighed with relief as they left, but Raphael just slouched in her seat she was in so much pain, she felt as if a knife stabbed her in the eye and someone was twisting it, she just wanted to fall apart.
“I’m so dumb for losing my pills!” Raphael forced herself up and dragged her feet to the lunchroom. Her eyes stared at the grown, she felt like if she moved them they were gonna burst out of her sockets. Just then Raphael started to hear a faint noise.
‘Kill them all,’ she heard, it got louder and louder.
‘Kill them all.’
‘Kill them all.’
‘KILL THEM ALL, DO IT!’
Raphael whimpered. She felt someone’s arm around her shoulder.
“Hey, you okay? Let’s get you to the nurse.”
Raphael quickly turned to the nearest student and punched them in the throat. She felt their blood rush up to their mouth. The student collapsed and coughed it up, everyone gasped and silence fell. Raphael turned to the other student and punched them even harder in the stomach. Raphael spotted a girl with a pen in her hand, she had the best idea. Raphael ran towards her took her pen and stabbed her with it. Raphael finally noticed what she’d done. She heard a voice in her mind.
‘Yes… you did well.’
Raphael felt a burst of happiness, “I know I did, I should have lost those pills years ago.”
Her back started to feel as if something was tearing it open and ripping out all the muscle and organs.
“Ow…” she moaned, “maybe I shouldn’t have… crud that hurts, I need my pills.”
Raphael darted out the school and back home. Her body felt sore, she felt like her intestines were going to fall out, while someone was kicking her feet with a spiked boot, every time she would breathe, her esophagus would burn like she was breathing in fire. Raphael let out an ear-piercing scream as she ran. Raphael wildly banged on the door. Her mother swung it open.
“What the heck Raphael?!” her mother yelled
“MOM! I–” her mother cut her off
“Raphael Jones Miller. You should be at school, Go to your room right now,” she dragged her feet to her room and let out a waterfall of tears in her pillow.
‘You should have done more!’
“Just leave me alone, I’m tired of your voice, and I’m in pain I just need to rest.”
Raphael was abruptly awakened by a powerful, intense scream. She opened her eyes and saw herself shaking her father’s corpse calling for her mother.
“Dad… No… I love you, why?!” Raphael sat up in bed, “Dad,” she cried.
She heard her mothers footsteps as she walked into the room.
“Are you okay?” she asked.
“Yes! Just leave me alone!” Raphael replied throwing the blanket over her head.
“Raphael, you were expelled, so I want you to clean the basement, ASAP!” Raphael slowly got out of bed and walked to the basement. It was already lit, she just guessed that her mother put a light in there, “So she can put light but can’t put an Air Freshener.”
The basement was crowded in junk, she spotted something with a cloak over it, she walked towards it and pulled the cloak off of the object, it was a mirror.
she stared at herself for a few minutes and noticed that her left shoe was taller than the other one. She rolled her eyes as she walked away from the mirror and toward an old wooden desk Raphael noticed a cassette player and a tape: “To Raphael Jones Miller from Dad”.
Raphael couldn’t believe what she saw. She grabbed the tape and put it into the player, then pressed play.
“Raphael,” the tape began, “I’m so sorry your mother kept all of this away from you, I’m sorry I did but there is something I need to tell you, there are lots of things. I might as well get the hardest thing out of the way… we’re not your real parents Raph, your mother kidnapped you when you were a baby, but no matter what, I love you. Hopefully, you haven’t stopped taking those pills because they will stop taking effect if you stop taking after you stop. Even if someone tells you not, you must not listen, even if it sounds like me, About your mother. Sweetie, your mother’s not safe. She’s physically, and emotionally abusive. She cut’s me and screams at me when you’re not around, she may be an angel around you but not me. She’s crazy. I left you some weapons so you can protect yourself just in case your mother snaps, I know you’ll use them for protection and only protection. I love you, your dark skin, your adorable side shave. I hope you’ll embrace your right eye someday. It’s okay that it’s red. I remember the day you came out to me, I recall those three words ‘Dad, I’m Lesbian’.” Raphael smiled. “I also remember the time you dyed your hair dark blue. I hope it’s still that color.”
“Never changed it,” she said as if her father was standing right in front of her.
“Also… if you’re hearing this, I’m already dead. I can’t deal with your mother, I love you.”
Raphael was shocked, her mother kidnapped her?
“I trusted you!” Raphael sobbed
Suddenly there was a blast of pain in Raphael’s stomach.
‘KILL THEM ALL! KILL THEM ALL, DO IT! DO IT!’
The words played over each other, non-stop!
“SHUT UP, JUST SHUT UP!” Raphael screamed.
“Keep it down!” she heard her mother yelled back.
Raphael felt anger just hearing her mother, she started rummaging through boxes and papers until she found an old wooden box, the words “For Raphael” carved into it. She opened it, and inside was ammo, a dagger, a silenced gun, and a holster.
“Perfect!” she said as she picked up the weapons, reloading the gun and attaching the holster to her belt.
She ran out of the basement and to her mother’s room, she was on her phone, it looked like she was dialing someone.
“Hi, mother!” she said with a wide smile.
“Raphael get back into the base–where did you get those weapons from,” her mother asked sternly.
“From cloud nine… from the basement idiot!” Raphael yelled.
Her mother slowly stood up Raphael fired but the bullet missed. Her mother dashed at her and tackled her, they feel with a loud thud, Raphael dropped both her weapons. Her mother punched both sides of her cheeks, it felt as if someone had thrown ten bricks at both sided of her face, Raphael felt her jaw getting loose, then her mother punched her jaw with all her strength, her jaw hung wide open, she couldn’t move it, her jaw was broken. Raphael screamed in agony.
“I am sick of your of you, you little b***h,” her mother whispered. “Oh yeah, and your pills… I dumped them down the drain, I’ve been fighting the temptation to, but I couldn’t hold it in any longer, you’re just like me, a psychopath and you shouldn’t hide it.” Her mother smirked. Raphael thought about that last part. She never cared about hurting others, in fact, she loved it, seeing the look on their face, hearing them cry and scream in pain.
“I’m so tired of being a mother. Why did I kidnap you? You’re a waste of space, I should have never done this, this is b******t.”
Raphael saw as her mother took the silenced gun and took a bullet to the head, and her mother fell on top of Raphael, she pushed her mother off. Raphael stared at the corpse wide-eyed. She was astonished, Raphael stood up kneeling over to grab both weapons, putting the silenced gun in her holster.
‘Dang she didn’t want me that bad? Am I that bad? Am I a waste of space,’ These thoughts ran through her head, Raphael felt anger boiling inside her. She took a look at her weapons, she had them for a reason, but she didn’t just want to use them for protection, she wanted others to suffer as she did. Raphael ran out of the room, and ran toward the front door at full speed, busting it wide open. She looked at the neighborhood, as the children play and the adults talk, as the cars drove up and down the road.
‘F**k this whole neighborhood,’ she thought in anger as she ran off.