Daddy’s Little Girl

I stopped at the door to listen to my daughter fill the empty room with her delightful giggle. However the laughter soon came to an abrupt halt. My pale bony hand grasped the handle, gently opening the door: so I would not startle her.

My daughter was sitting in the middle of the dimly lit room, with her back to me. The silent was broken with another fit of laughter. My body froze as she lazily made her way up from the floor; with her arms hanging limp by her side.

Her laughter silenced as she pointed to one of the four dark corners of the room. I saw myself gradually stumble to the corner; in a paralysed state. I felt a drop of something wet and cold hit my nose, giving me the strange urge to look up. I restrained myself from looking for I knew what it was. However my thoughts were interrupted by heavy breathing. My curiosity grew stronger. I raised my head to the ceiling. Only to see my ex-husband died-pale and hanging from the wooden beam, with a noose around his neck.

Suddenly the door to the attic slammed shut. I turned around to see my daughter locking the door. Gradually she turned around to face me, with a grin plastered on her face.

  • JDWintony

    Daddy’s Little Girl is, presumably, about a murder. The work is exceptionally short and only uses enough words to describe a single scene. This reads less like flash fiction, however, and more like a snippet from a larger work.

    As a standalone piece, there’s just not enough here to work with. But as a scene from a greater narrative, there’s immense potential. Why is the daughter murderous? Is she even the killer? What caused the divorce? Is the hanging man the “daddy” referred to in the title or could it have a more sinister explanation?

    I’d highly recommend expanding on this. If the larger work reads the same way this snippet does, it should be a pleasant evening thriller. The writing was appropriately suspensful.

    As it stands, 1/3, but I heartily believe the re-write will yeild higher score.